


the phoenix and turtle

by Significant_What



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Underage Sex, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Prom Night, Romantic fools, Slice of Life, awkward teenagers, building relationships, there is angst there somewhere, there is now angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-12-08 03:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Significant_What/pseuds/Significant_What
Summary: ”Will?” In the dark of the night Nico wouldn’t even be able to see Will if they weren’t so close. ”We’ll be best friends forever, won’t we?”Nico watches as Will turns to his side, so that they’re lying face to face on the hard wood. Will has a little mud on his nose, and Nico is sure he has too. A tiny green leaf is stuck in the shiny golden curls of Will’s hair, and Nico thinks that Will looks a little like the prince in one of those stories hismammaused to tell.”Idiot. Of course we will.”





	1. il prologo

**Author's Note:**

> Look who's back. There are quite a few things I'd like to say about this before we start. 
> 
> First, this is going to be probably five (5) chapters long, including this prologue-like chapter and one that's more of an epilogue, I think. The updates will not be frequent, or fast; I'm a slow writer, and this story means a lot to me, so I like to take my time with it. Please be patient.
> 
> Second, the title. It comes from William Shakespeare's poem _The Phoenix and Turtle_. Now, I don't claim to understand the poem on a deeper level, but there are a few lines that stuck with me and that I've poured inspiration from; if there's someone out there interested in hearing what those lines are and how this story was inspired by it, come scream at me on Tumblr (@significant-what). Other messages are welcome, too!
> 
> Third, about the timeline. This story will skip back and forth between various stages of Nico and Will's childhood and their senior year of high school. The scenes will not be marked with years of such, but I like to think it will be pretty obvious pretty fast how old they are in each scene.
> 
> Lastly, about the tags. I know it says Underage, but rest assured, there will be _no_ sexual content whatsoever between any of the characters under the age of at least fifteen. Now, I know sex between fifteen year olds is something some people still frown upon, so if it's something you don't like to see then I'm sorry. However, the sexual relationship between these two will in no way be the main focus on this story, so hopefully you can still read and enjoy this; I'll try and inform you on the chapters where there will be sexual content.
> 
> Other additional tags as well as character tags will be added as the story progresses.
> 
> I... think that's all for now? Phew. I am really excited to give you this story. This first chapter will be rather short, the rest will probably (hopefully) be longer.

When Nico is six years old, he sits on the back rest of the couch in the living room and watches as a big white truck blocks his view of the house across the street. It’s raining more than it has in ages, so he wouldn’t see much of the house anyway, but that’s not the point.

”Father, how am I supposed to see the new neighbours if the big car is in the way?”

Father has been busy since the funeral. He spends most of the days in his study. When Nico walks past the cracked door and peeks in, he sees father sitting behind the great wooden desk, with so many books and papers around him that Nico can barely see him. He has his face in his hands, or sometimes he just stares at the papers like he can’t even see them, and Nico thinks that father looks a lot older than he used to only a few months ago. _Zia_ Diana has been staying with them, taking care of Nico while father is busy, but even _zia_ had to leave eventually.

That’s why father is in the living room that afternoon, probably. He walked _zia_ to the door, and they exchanged some words so quietly that Nico didn’t hear them, before _zia_ Diana gave Nico one last pat on the shoulder, told him to be a good boy, and left. Father closed the door behind her, walked to the kitchen, brew a pot of coffee, and then sat in his big leather arm chair with his mug. He has been sitting there for a long time now, looking at the flowers on the coffee table. Nico wonders if father dislikes lilies.

”Father?”

Father barely looks up at the window before turning to stare at the lilies again. Nico thinks the white flowers are nice. ”It’s the moving truck, Nico. It’s how the new neighbours brought their things here. It’ll go away eventually.”

Nico _knows_ that. He’s six, not stupid. But he nods all the same and turns his gaze back to the window, looking at the trails of water on the glass. They look like little rivers, like in those old maps father keeps on his study walls. They’re pretty.

Nico sits on the back rest until father gets up and tells him it’s time for dinner. The truck has still not moved; every now and then a man or two go to the back and carry something big out if it, but Nico never sees anyone properly. He remembers _zia_ telling him that the new family is supposed to have a kid his age. He doesn’t see any kids all day.

Father is quiet during dinner. Now that _zia_ Diana isn’t there to talk to, Nico stays silent too, and the only sounds in the dining room are the clanking of dishes and the ticking of the old grandfather clock that Nico swears hosts a real ghost. The food is leftover from _zia_ Diana’s cooking, mashed potatoes with cold deer meat and vegetables. It’s good, but father barely touches his food. Nico almost tells him to eat if he wants to become big and strong, but then he realizes it would be silly. Father already is big and strong.

When Nico finishes his plate and carefully puts down his utensils just the way _mamma_ taught him, he looks up at his father with hopeful eyes. ”Father, can we go see the neighbours tomorrow?”

But father looks just as distant as he has all day, and Nico knows they can’t before he even hears the words. ”Not tomorrow, Nico. Surely they have a lot of work to do. We wouldn’t want to be in their way, now, would we?”

No, Nico supposes, they wouldn’t. It still doesn’t mean he isn’t disappointed about the fact that they can’t go as soon as tomorrow. But father must be right, he always is, so Nico shrugs it off and finishes with his lemonade before getting up to go to his room upstairs.

When he walks through the living room, the vase on the coffee table is empty.

**

It’s not until one week later that Nico finally sees the new neighbors.

Nico sits on the front steps of his house, reading the comic book _zia_ Diana left him. Nico can’t really read just yet, but he tries really hard, and _zia_ says that’s how he’ll learn eventually. He does know how to write his own name, though, and he has scribbled it on the first page with father’s nice pen that he keeps in a box on his desk.

Nico is almost finished with the comic book when a noise makes him look up and he sees _him_.

He hasn’t seen any kids since the funeral, and hasn’t had a chance to play in even longer. The boy on the other side of the road is sitting on the tiled pavement in front of the garage, and he has colorful chalks scattered around him. His hair is yellow and curly and it shines in the afternoon sun like the crystals in _mamma’s_ wind chime in the back porch, and Nico has never seen a hair like that before.

Nico is not supposed to cross the street alone. It’s dangerous, and his father will be very angry when he finds out. But Nico is _so_ careful, he checks both ways three times before he sprints forward and doesn’t stop until he’s right in front of the boy, looking down at the drawings on the pavement.

The boy looks up and grins. He has blue chalk on his cheek. ”Hey! Do you know how to draw maps?”

Nico looks at the silly boy. ”Maps?”

”Yeah! I’m going to draw a map of the whole world.” The boy points at the big blotches of green surrounded by blue. ”That’s America. North and South. We used to live here”, he has drawn a little red house on one side of the upper green blotch, ”but Dad got a new job, so we had to move here.” The other little house is yellow, just like the one standing behind the boy, and Nico has to admit they look a lot alike.

”You didn’t draw the garage”, Nico points out and squats down next to the boy. He’s careful not to let any color get to his clothes. _Mamma_ only bought these shorts for him at the beginning of summer, so they’re basically brand new.

The boy snorts. It’s a funny sound. ”That’s because the garage isn’t _important_ ”, he says like it’s obvious. To Nico it isn’t obvious at all. ”I don’t _live_ in the garage. No one lives there. Even Dad only stays in the garage when he’s fixing the car with Michael.”

There’s so much in what the boy says that Nico either hasn’t thought about or doesn’t understand. Father has told him that the black fancy car in their garage is important, so surely that makes the garage pretty important, too? Nico looks at the boy, sees that he’s once again concentrating on the map (that really looks nothing like the maps in father’s study, but Nico isn’t mean and doesn’t tell), and wonders if he should ask if their car is less important than father’s.

Nico doesn’t ask that. Instead he asks, ”Who’s Michael?”

The boy wipes his forehead. His hand leaves a green smear. ”He’s my brother. He’s inside and grumpy. Mum says it’s because he’s thirteen, and Grandma says Dad was just like him when _he_ was thirteen.” He wrinkles his nose. ”I hope I’m not like that when I grow up. I don’t want to be grumpy, I want to be nice. It’s easier to get new friends if you’re nice.”

Nico is starting to learn that his new neighbor is quite the talker. It’s nice, because Nico doesn’t really know what to say, but if the other boy does the talking then Nico doesn’t have to. Bianca used to do the talking before. Now Nico is left to either sit in silence or figure out what to say. Maybe this new boy can help him with that.

They keep going like that for a long time. Nico stays quiet and listens as the boy babbles on about his new room that he has to share with Michael even though they still have one empty bedroom. ”But that’s because Mum has a baby in her belly”, the boy says, and it’s apparent in his voice that this is very important, ”and the baby needs a whole room to herself. That’s just how it is.”

A small boat appears in the biggest blue blotch in the drawing, and the boy draws two stick figures in the boat. ”That’s you and me”, he says happily and asks for Nico’s name to write it next to the boat. Nico can’t read what the other name is, but the boy tells him it’s Will.

”Grandma calls me William, because that’s my real name, but everyone else just says Will because that’s easier, isn’t it? So you can call me Will, too.”

Nico doesn’t know how much time passes (he has never understood why grown-ups are always in such a hurry), but according to Will the map is almost ready by the time a woman calls for Will from the front door.

”That’s my mom, it’s time for tea.” Will gets up and dusts his trousers. Nico does the same and doesn’t mention that Will’s chalky hands make more damage than they clean. He doesn’t want to upset Will over something so silly. ”Maybe you can go ask your mom if you can come over! Grandma made cookies.”

Nico likes that he has been invited, but… ”I don’t have a mom anymore. She’s dead.”

”Oh.” Will looks thoughtful for a moment, then his eyes sparkle again. ”Well, your dad, then – ”

But Nico only shakes his head and doesn’t even let Will finish. ”Father is busy, I shouldn’t bother him.” Then Nico sees how disappointed Will looks, and hurries to add, ”But I can come over anyway. Father won’t mind.”

Will grins like it’s Christmas, and Nico smiles back. They walk the front steps up to the house, and Nico is surprised how little of the new neighbors’ things are in boxes anymore. For some reason he had expected all their lives to be still packed up, maybe one or two of Will’s toys taken out, eating from paper plates like the previous neighbors did. But The house looks nice and homey, curtains on windows and carpets on hardwood floors. A man who Nico assumes is Will’s dad is reaching up with a nail and a hammer in the hallway, and Nico watches as he hangs up a big frame with a lot of pictures inside.

”Go wash your hands, Will”, he says without turning to look at them. ”And leave your shoes by the door – ” He sees Nico now, and for a short moment when he looks surprised Nico gets scared; what if Will’s dad thinks he shouldn’t be there and sends him home? ”Oh. Hello. Who do we have here?”

Nico looks at his shoes, trying to form a good answer that would make his father proud. Father always says he has to speak up and form his words clearly, and always, _always_ be polite and respectful when talking to adults. But before he can open his mouth, Will beats him to it.

”Dad! This is Nico, he lives across the street. He’s my new best friend!”

Nico looks up, surprised at the declaration. He feels his cheeks warm. He’s never been anyone’s best friend before. He once thought Bianca was his best friend, but when he told her she said that he can’t be her best friend because Zoë from school is her best friend. So Nico has been without a best friend all of his six years, because you can’t very well be best friends with your parents, now, can you.

But here is Will now, telling his dad that Nico is his best friend. Nico hadn’t known you could become best friends the same day you meet. It’s a nice surprise.

Will’s dad smiles and gives Nico a wave. ”Nice to meet you, Nico! Go wash your hands with Will, there’s milk and cookies on the kitchen table with your name on them.”

Nico doubts the cookies actually have his name on them (how could they when no one in the house knew his name before he walked in), but he nods silently and follows Will down the hall.

Will. His best friend. Nico feels a small smile creep to his face.

**

Nico wakes up on a Saturday afternoon in August. He’s not confused as to where he is; Will’s bed and Will’s room are just as familiar to him as his own are at this point. The window is open, and the light summer rain smells like new beginnings and fresh starts. Will’s heartbeat under Nico’s head is strong and steady, a calming rhythm to concentrate on when it feels like the rest of the world is going forward too fast.

”Yeah, I know”, Will is saying, in a low voice that tells Nico that Will still thinks he’s asleep. He nuzzles his cheek to Will’s chest a little and tightens his hold on his waist, and Will’s finger flicks his ear affectionately. ”Hey, he’s awake now, I’ll text you later on what we decide. Yeah, bye.”

When the phone that Will places on the bedside table turns out to be Nico’s, Nico isn’t the least bit surprised. ”How long was I asleep for?”

”Hmm, maybe an hour, I’m not sure.” Will pushes him off so that he can sit up and stretch – Nico only feels a little bad for Will having to stick to the uncomfortable position. After all, no one _told_ him not to move. ”I think I fell asleep for a while there before your phone went off.”

Nico yawns and reaches out to tug Will back down on the bed. ”Jason?”

Will rests his head on Nico’s chest and looks up at him. ”Piper on Jason’s phone, actually. They want to know if we’re going to help them set up before the party tomorrow.”

”What party?” Yellow paint has dried on Will’s right cheek; they were helping Will’s mom repaint the kitchen before their nap. Nico reaches with his hand to scratch the paint away and reveal a cluster of freckles.

”Are you for real?” Will rolls his eyes and doesn’t sound quite as annoyed as his words indicate. ”The back to school party we’ve been talking about for three weeks now. You can’t seriously have forgotten about that – no, wait”, he pokes Nico painfully between the ribs, ”of course you can. This is _you_ we’re talking about, after all.”

Nico does his best to glare at Will, but it doesn’t seem to be very effective. That, or Nico will have to finally admit that Will has become immune to his glares – something Jason has been suggesting for years now. There’s a sudden crash from downstairs, then Nico can hear Kayla’s voice yelling ”It’s okay, I’ve got this”, and Will’s dad’s booming laughter. He’s always preferred to spend his afternoons here where he doesn’t need to tiptoe every time he walks past father’s study or bedroom.

Burying his hand to Will’s curly hair, Nico closes his eyes and works hard to keep the knowing smirk off his face. ”If you’re not going to remember these things for me then I don’t see why I even keep you around.”

Even though Will doesn’t let it be heard, Nico can feel his laughter all over his body. It’s warm and tickling and familiar, something Nico has had the fortune to experience for over ten years now.

”And here I thought it had something to do with love and affection.”

Nico lets out a snort-like laugh that makes Will’s head jump a little. ”You wish.” He softens the blow by running a single finger gently from Will’s cheek down to his chin and neck. He can feel the goosebumps surfacing as Will buries his face to his shirt (that’s covered in dried paint and is probably originally Will’s, anyway).

Will’s head is a nice, heavy weight on his chest, the even breath a warm tingle through Nico’s shirt. The summer rain fills his ears with gentle drumming, and he smiles.


	2. the tree house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, this got a little out of hand. When I said the coming chapters would probably be longer than the first, I didn't mean to write a 10K chapter, like, at all. I can't promise the rest will be this long, too, but with the way this story is turning out? It's a possibility.
> 
> As promised, I am giving you a warning that this chapter contains a sexual scene between two fifteen year olds. If this bothers you, I advise you to skip that scene (you'll know which one, it'll be stated in the first sentence what's going to happen). Please read the tags etc.

Back behind Nico’s home grows a tree. It’s an old oak, standing tall at the edge of the forest; not quite part of it, but not entirely separate. Once a bird made a nest there, a red-winged blackbird, and that summer Nico’s dad blasted the Beatles from the stereo system every time _mamma_ wasn’t home.

That was before father became… unpredictable. Before he used his pay checks on bourbon and forgot to pick Nico from school. Before Nico’s days were filled with loneliness whenever he couldn’t be with Will. Before the accident.

But now Nico is nine and has learned to avoid father most days. He spends his time with Will and the rest of the Solaces whenever he can. Sometimes he can see Will’s mom looking at him with sad eyes, especially on those days that Nico has to swallow his pride and ask if it’s okay for her to drive him home from school as well since it seems like his father isn’t coming. It doesn’t really take long for Mrs Solace to work out an agreement with father that Nico is to travel to and from school with Will, and spend afternoons with them as well. That works better than fine, since Nico doesn’t really want to stay home in the first place.

It’s not like father is scary. Not exactly. He’s just mostly sad, and his eyes are red and glassy and Nico thinks he might be growing a beard that doesn’t really suit him. But seeing father like that always makes Nico sad, too, and he’s sick of being sad all the time. He used to be sad, very sad, when _mamma_ and Bianca died. He’s still sad sometimes, when he remembers something they used to do together or when it’s raining and he can’t go outside and he’s stuck listening to the raindrops on the window and the muffled music from father’s study.

 _Mamma_ wouldn’t want him to be sad like father. That’s what _zia_ Diana keeps telling him in all the postcards she sends him. _Don’t be sad. Be strong and brave for your father_. And Nico wants to, and he tries really hard. Sometimes it’s just not enough.

That’s why Nico is so surprised when he wakes up on the first day of summer to see his father smiling down at him, face shaven clean and a spark on his eyes like Nico remembers from before the accident.

”Father?” Nico asks and sits up, confused about what is going on. Is this still a dream? ”What are you doing here?”

Father smiles and fluffies Nico’s hair. He hasn’t done that in so long that Nico would have forgotten what it feels like if it wasn’t for Will’s dad. ”Get dressed, Nico. I’ll have breakfast ready. We have a long day ahead of us.”

Nico is still too asleep to ask what is going on, and father slips out and leaves Nico to get ready for the day. When he pulls a too small t-shirt over his head, he can hear father humming in the kitchen, and a smell of waffles greets him when he comes downstairs. Stunned, Nico sits down in the dining room and doesn’t say anything about the fact that the waffles are a little burned or that he doesn’t like lingonberry jam. He can’t remember the last time he had something for breakfast that wasn’t dry toast or Eggos.

Breakfast is eaten in silence, and father even does the dishes right after, asking Nico’s help with the drying so that they can leave quickly. Father looks very excited, something Nico doesn’t remember seeing in a long time, and once again he wishes he had _zia_ Diana’s address. If he did, he’d send a postcard of his own, saying that he thinks he’s finally strong and brave enough, because father is starting to act like it too.

It isn’t until they’re getting in the car and father presses a button to open the garage door that Nico gathers up the courage to ask where exactly they’re going.

”The hardware store”, father says, and Nico is reminded by the saying _like a little kid on Christmas_. It’s hard not to smile back. ”Today, Nico, we are going to do something I’ve wanted to do since I was younger than you.”

Father barely talks about the time when he was a kid, so Nico gets really interested. However, father doesn’t say anything else until they’re on their way back home with lots of timber and different kinds of tools that Nico has seen in Mr Solace’s garage but never in his own home. Father had lingered on the paint section, then shaken his head and muttered that it can wait. Nico gets more and more curious by the minute.

”Father, what are we doing?” Nico finally asks when father parks the car outside instead of in the garage like usual.

”Building a tree house.” Father is so excited it almost looks like he’s buzzing. ”I’ve always wanted one, but my own father never had the time to build it with me. I’ll be damned if my son has to grow up without a tree house.”

They’re getting the planks down from the roof of the car, slowly and one by one (father bought Nico a neat pair of black work gloves so he wouldn’t get splinters), when Will and his dad come by with their bikes and ask what they’re doing. By now, father’s excitement has caught on Nico, too, and he grins to them and skips to drag Will to see all the new tools.

”We’re building a tree house! To the big tree in the back yard! Father says that when it’s ready we can even sleep in it if the weather is nice!”

Nico doesn’t notice how Will’s dad stiffens slightly and quirks an eye brow at the change in father. What he does notice is the light that always shines in Will’s eyes and that brightens magnificently at Nico’s words. Nico feels warm. He always likes it when he can make Will smile like that.

Will grabs his hands and they jump up and down together, like they do every time Will gets a new Spiderman comic book or Nico gets a good score in a test or Mrs Solace lets them eat ice cream on the couch. ”A tree house! I’ve never been in a tree house. Dad!” Will looks at his dad over his shoulder, and Nico knows he’s making the puppy eyes from the way Mr Solace’s eyes soften. ”We can help them, right? So it’ll be ready faster?”

Will’s dad looks between Nico and Will and father, and Nico hopes he’s at least considering it. If there’s something that could make the day even better it would be having Will help. ”I think you should ask Mr di Angelo that.”

”Oh, right.” Will quickly lets go of Nico’s hands and gives father his full attention. Nico briefly notices how much braver Will is than him, looking father straight in the eye without a tremble. _Zia_ Diana would like Will, Nico thinks. ”Please, Mr di Angelo, let us help. I’m really good at helping, Dad says so, I always help him fix the car when Michael is busy. I can hold tools and I know how to use a screwdriver and a wrench and a small drill, and – ”

The way father laughs is something Nico has not heard in such a long time he thinks he might have forgotten what it sounds like. Low and cheery and booming, like it’s coming from father’s belly.

”Then you better go change into something more appropriate, kid”, father says, and even though Nico knows Will wants to argue that he isn’t just some _kid_ , Will’s smile is just that much brighter when he takes his bike and rushes off to get ready for backyard construction work.

**

It takes two weeks for the tree house to be ready. Nico’s father secures the rope ladder in place, tests it with Will’s dad to make sure it’s going to hold, and finally Nico and Will are allowed to climb up. Will’s mom has collected several old carpets and blankets and pillows from their attic and a few garage sales, and Will says his grandmother is making neat lace curtains for them. Nico and Will make a colorful sign, saying _no girls allowed_ , and hang it from the side of the hut. Nico can’t keep the smile off his face the entire day.

That night, buzzing with excitement and wondering if he can fall asleep at all, Nico lies on the floor of their brand new tree house and sees the stars from the window. He remembers Will’s grandmother telling stories about shooting stars, how dreams wished on them always come true. Nico wonders if that works on some regular stars, too, if he wishes hard enough.

”Will?” In the dark of the night Nico wouldn’t even be able to see Will if they weren’t so close. ”We’ll be best friends forever, won’t we?”

Nico watches as Will turns to his side, so that they’re lying face to face on the hard wood. Will has a little mud on his nose, and Nico is sure he has too. A tiny green leaf is stuck in the shiny golden curls of Will’s hair, and Nico thinks that Will looks a little like the prince in one of those stories his _mamma_ used to tell.

”Idiot. Of course we will.” There’s no malice in Will’s voice, only sleepy warmth, and they both snuggle deeper in their sleeping bags. ”Now go to sleep, or at least let me sleep. Your dad said he’d wake us up early so we can see the sunrise from up here.”

(Nico’s father doesn’t wake them up. They wake up long after sunrise, and Nico finds father staring at a picture of _mamma_ in the living room. He will never know what made father act so differently for the last two weeks, but he will always be happy it did. The next time Nico wants to escape home and Will is not available, he packs a bag and hides up in the tree house until Will comes looking for him.)

**

Nico gets his first kiss on his fifteenth birthday, and it’s probably the worst thing that happens that day.

Or maybe it’s not the kiss in itself, but rather what happens right after.

Lee is Will’s cousin, a dancer, tall and tan with broad shoulders and sandy blond hair, freckles on the bridge of his nose, and teeth so white it hurts Nico’s eyes. He’s also seventeen, already certain of where he’ll be going to college (”Juilliard, for sure, Dad’s on the board and he says I have great chances – ”), and to Nico he seems so _mature_.

Maybe that’s what has him follow Lee around like a lost puppy (Will’s words, not his) for the whole of five days Lee’s in town. Michael’s visiting from college, too, but even though Michael’s older and cooler than Nico and Will, Lee seems to be content in their company. (It could have something to do with the fact that Michael brought his girlfriend and that she spent the first two hours sneering at everything in their small town.) Nico and Will show Lee around, in the old rusty playground behind Will’s home and the corner store that sells popsicles in half price during winter months.

They even show him the tree house. That’s probably the second worst thing that happens on Nico’s birthday, all because it feels like Lee’s actions tarnish the whole tree house, even if they don’t even climb up. It’s too cold to hang out in there, and the ladder is all icy and dangerous anyway, and they just look at the hut from all angles from under the tree.

(That night Nico swears he will never  _ever_ let anyone else in the tree house. Only Will, because really, it’s as much Will’s as it is Nico’s.)

And then they go back to the playground. And then Will gets a phone call and he goes back inside for privacy, so Nico guesses it’s Malcolm. Will’s been trying to get the courage to ask Malcolm on a date for weeks now.

That leaves Nico alone with Lee. It kind of makes him blush. He hopes he can blame it on the cold wind, in case he needs to be more subtle. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself.

Turns out Lee doesn’t really do _subtle_.

”You know”, he says, stepping closer to Nico as soon as Will’s back is out of sight. ”I’m kind of really glad he got that call.”

Nico swallows. His chest feels tight. He takes half a step back; Lee follows. ”Y-you are?”

”Of course.” Lee reaches out for his hand, clad in the dark green gloves he got from Will’s mom for his birthday that morning. Lee’s touch is delicate, seductive, and his voice is smooth like butter. ”You see, now I get to do what I’ve been wanting to do all day.”

Nico feels himself tremble a little when Lee’s other arm circles his waist, pulling their bodies closer together. His mouth is try. ”And what’s that?”

Lee’s face is so, _so_ close to Nico’s. Nico can feel the warm breath on his cheeks, anticipation making his head spin faster and faster as the seconds tick by. ”Happy birthday, Nico.”

When their lips do finally meet, it’s… not what he expected. Nico has been looking forward to his first kiss since his first crush, and maybe that’s what’s put so much pressure on it. A first kiss is supposed to be perfect, right? It’s supposed to make Nico’s heart flutter, turn his limbs into jelly. He’s supposed to hear angel choirs and see fireworks. He remembers Piper telling about her first kiss, how it felt like it was out of this world, something indescribable, not something he would understand before experiencing it himself.

Kissing Lee is nothing like that. It’s lips against lips, and Lee’s sucking on his lower lip, and mostly it just feels weird. It’s not bad, exactly, and it’s not like Nico has anything to compare it to. It’s just a little underwhelming.

 _Maybe it’s always like that, at first_ , Nico thinks, opening his eyes a crack so see Lee has freckles on his eye lids, too, just like Will. _Maybe it’s awkward for everyone’s first, and they just don’t want to talk about it. Maybe the second one is better._

So when they break apart from the kiss, Nico only takes one slow inhale of breath before yanking Lee back by the front of his jacket. He opens his mouth against Lee’s, trying to mimic moves he’s seen on movies, copying what Lee did just moments before. At first he thinks he might be on to something there, with the way his lips start so tingle and his heart skips a beat, but then – then it’s back to how it was, plain and unexciting and almost boring.

That’s not how kisses are supposed to feel _at all_ , right?

Nico keeps it going for a little longer, just to make sure it doesn’t get any better. He would probably have given it a lot more chances still if it wasn’t for Lee’s hands prying his fingers away and pushing him back. It’s a complete opposite on how Lee was acting just minutes ago, coming closer and invading Nico’s personal space. The way Lee’s looking at him now makes Nico feel like _he’s_ the one that was out of line, the one who pushed himself on Lee, and not the other way around.

Lee keeps Nico at arm’s length and gives him a long look. Nico feels like he’s shrinking there, and he has never before wanted so badly to just disappear and never come back.

And then Lee hums thoughtfully. ”You’ll need a lot more practice. Think about this as a free tutor session. A birthday present.” He makes it sound so… wrong. ”Make sure to work on that tongue thing before you even think about kissing anyone again, okay?”

And – that’s it. Lee winks, his face now cold and unimpressed like Nico hasn’t seen it before, and he turns away to get back in the house after Will. Nico is frozen in place, and it has nothing to do with the weather, and all he can do is watch as Lee walks away and disappears behind the tall fence. The sun is just starting to set, painting the sky in shades of red, but Nico doesn’t see any of that as he tries to understand what it is that he did wrong.

Turns out that _tall and handsome and seventeen_ doesn’t automatically mean perfect. And it’s not even perfect that Nico wants; he wants warm smiles and good kisses, but also bad habits and terrible singing voice. Not cold and calculative and _cruel_.

It isn’t until Nico feels a familiar arm wrap around his shoulders that he realizes he’s kneeling on the ground, shaking. Perhaps he’s being dramatic, a little like _Romeo and Juliet_. He shakes his head and feels Will try to get him up from the ground. Lee is no Romeo, and Nico refuses to be Juliet. He’s always hated the play, anyway, no matter how many times Will recites it.

By the time they’re warming up in Nico’s bedroom with their _moody assholes_ -playlist sounding smoothly from the laptop speakers, Nico is convinced he’s just being stupid about the whole thing. It’s not like he actually really _liked_ liked Lee, anyway, right?

”I’m going to kill him.”

Nico doesn’t know if he told Will what had happened, or if Lee said something, or if Will just took one look at Nico and just _knew_ like so many times before. He rests his head on Will’s shoulder and doesn’t care how pathetic he looks; this is Will, who’s seen him at his worst already. Will, who’s always there for him, no matter what. Will, who’s presence makes Nico warm and calm and happy in a way very few things do, and in a way Lee Fletcher never would.

”Well, that’s a fun way to get out of family reunions”, Nico jokes quietly. Will barely snorts, leaning his head to rest on top of Nico’s, and Nico is so, _so_ glad he has a friend like Will. ”I’m… I’m pretty sure he said it was bad? Like, that _I_ was bad.”

”I’m sure you weren’t _that_ bad.”

Nico rolls his eyes and resists the urge to kick Will in the shin. ”And how would _you_ know?” Will doesn’t answer, just hums, but that’s okay. ”He’s probably right. There’s no reason why I would be any good.” They’re silent for a moment, letting Chip Taylor finish his song in piece. There’s a nice calm in the room, and Nico thinks he might be happy, despite what happened just that night across the street. ”He says I need a lot of practice. I’m probably going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I mean, who wants to give that kind of tutoring? It’s embarrassing.”

It’s a joke, mostly. Of course Nico doesn’t think he might stay single forever; he’s not _that_ dramatic. But it’s true that the whole thing is embarrassing, and there’s a big chance he might be too ashamed to even think about kissing anyone anytime soon. He kind of hates Lee for ruining kissing from him like that.

”Come on. We both know none of that’s true”, Will says, and Nico can hear the smirk in his voice. ”I bet that if you made the announcement that you were in need of a make out tutor there’d be a line at your door. You said yourself that half the editors of the school paper keep hitting on you and it’s _so annoying oh my god Will please save me_ – ”

”Shut up!” This time Nico does actually kick Will, but they both laugh as Will pushes him back. Nico shimmies down on the bed, hiding half of his face in his pillow.

”You know what?” The bed moves, and even with his eyes closed Nico knows that Will has lowered himself next to him, faces only inches apart. Nico doesn’t dare look. ”I’ll make you a deal. If some kind of a catastrophe happens and you’re somehow single when we’re thirty, and if I happen to be single too – which, by the way, is much more likely – ”

”Yeah right – ”

” – then I’m going to do you a favour and marry you.” At this Nico does peek at Will, who looks way too cheery for Nico’s tastes and makes his heart all warm. He quirks an eye brow at him. ”What? Isn’t that some unspoken best friend rule? To prevent your best friend from facing the agony and embarrassment that comes with being the only single over thirty year old in family dinners?”

Nico stares at Will, his stupid smile and freckles all over and his annoyingly attractive cheekbones. ”You can’t be serious.”

”Oh, I’m more serious about this than I am about getting a scholarship from basketball.” Will turns to his side, the smile still in place and his face so close that their noses almost touch. Nico subtly moves his head back a little, to give himself some space. ”Come on, Nico, let’s make a pact. What would it hurt? If one or both of us have someone when we’re thirty, then that’s that, but if we don’t, we get to spend the rest of our lives together and I can kick your ass on every video game you can think of _every single day_. I see no downside to this!”

Thinking it might be easiest to just go with it, Nico rolls his eyes before closing them again and blindly reaching for a blanket. He is so _tired_. ”Fine. I’ll marry you in the off chance you aren’t already happily married to _Malcolm_ by the time we’re thirty.”

He doesn’t bother looking if his teasing gets any reaction. He feels Will spreading the blanket on both of them, hears Will lower the volume on the laptop. ”That’s what I thought.”

**

Nico knows it’s not fair of him to feel like he does. Will has been looking forward to this for _at least_ three months now, going on and on about where they will be going and what he’s going to wear and _do you think he’ll hold my hand in the movies?_ And Nico has been supportive, and he’s happy for Will, he really is. He’s always wanted for Will to smile like that, like he’s seeing the sun for the first time.

It’s just hard to know that Nico’s not the one bringing that smile to his lips. He’s aware he has no right to feel bad about it, but… he does.

Nico knows he’s had many different kinds of feelings about Will in the last nine years. He knows not all of them are feelings best friends usually have for each other, but he’s learned to live with that. He’s learned to live with being overly cautious at times, with his wishful thinking that something Will does or says might actually mean something else entirely. He’s used to the way his heart constantly skips a beat to the point it’s only mildly annoying. 

He thought he would be fine with Will going on a date with Malcolm. Turns out he’s _so not fine_.

It’s still a little too cold at night to be out in the tree house, but father is having a bad night and there are only so many times Nico can listen to the same Beatles album in a week. He’s taken the pillows and blankets from the guest room closet, the ones he and Will stashed there in October, and made himself a nest in the corner of the small hut. He has a stack of Will’s old Spiderman comic books as well, but he’s read them so many times that they’re mostly there for aesthetics.

Nico has spent the last hour sitting on the hard floor, tossing an apple from hand to hand without taking a bite, and thinking about the way he had fixed Will’s hair, told him to give the night his one hundred percent, and pushed him out the door with a grin plastered on his face. That was three hours ago. Nico hasn’t felt like smiling since he saw Will disappear in Malcolm’s car.

It’s stupid really. Nico doesn’t want to spend the night moping around about something he has no power over. Will has been crushing over Malcolm since November, probably earlier, and was over the moon when the guy asked for his number back in January. Nico should at least try to be happy for Will. This is pretty much a dream come true, Will being on a date with his crush and all. So what if that crush doesn’t happen to be Nico?

Yeah. So much for not moping around.

Nico is so immersed in his own thoughts that he gets startled when he hears his name being called from the bottom of the rope ladder.

”Nico? You up there?”

For a fraction of a second Nico considers not answering before he realizes how stupid that would be. Will is probably going to check either way, and there’s no place for him to hide; and it _is_ Will’s tree house too, after all. So Nico puts the apple down, clears his throat and gives Will an affirmative answer thinking that this must be the first time in his life that he’s wanted to hide from Will.

Will’s head pops up from the edge of the small terrace they’ve built to the tree house, and as always, just Will’s mere presence is enough to make Nico feel a lot better.

”Had a feeling I’d find you here”, Will says, half a smile on his face and the other half somewhere else, not present at all. It’s weird. Will pushes himself up and scrawls his way across the floor to Nico’s corner. ”Scoot.” They share the blankets, like they have done hundreds upon hundreds of times before, and something about it feels strange to Nico; maybe it’s the way every part of him touching Will burns, or maybe it’s the fact that Will has just come back from his date with another guy. ”I come bearing gifts”, Will adds, and unceremoniously dumps a few small packets of Skittles to Nico’s lap.

”Are you fucking serious?” Nico asks quietly, even though he has a feeling Will has rarely been serious about anything in his life.

” _Taste the rainbow_ , man.” Nico thinks it might be a win when Will doesn’t comment on his cursing. ”It’s like, the ultimate gay candy. We have the obligation to consume.”

Nico rolls his eyes but doesn’t object, just takes one package and opens it to pop a few colorful pellets to his mouth. They sit in silence for a while, listening to the night, how the cold March wind makes the trees sing in the forest behind them. As the moment stretches, Nico kind of regrets not bringing his Bluetooth speaker with him, to fill the silence with their trusty playlist.

When he can’t take it anymore, Nico opens his mouth to asks something even if he isn’t quite sure he wants to know. But as Will’s best friend, it’s kind of expected of him that he asks, right? ”So… how was your date with Malcolm?”

It’s almost like the temperature drops ten degrees in less than a second, along with the rest of Will’s smile. ”Didn’t work out.”

That’s… not what Nico was expecting. At all. He furrows his brows and looks at Will. ”Oh?”

”I wasn’t that into it.” Will is looking at the blanket and picking on a loose thread by his knee. Nico can’t see his face properly since a curtain of golden hair has fallen before it. ”To be honest, I don’t think I gave it even my 60 percent.”

It doesn’t make any sense. Nico has thought himself to be the one person that knows Will best in the whole world, but right now it feels like he doesn’t know the boy next to him at all. Will has been talking about the date with Malcolm on nonstop, to the point where Nico has actually threatened to tape his mouth shut with duct tape. All that time Will has seemed so excited, and he’s been crushing on Malcolm so hard it’s been slightly unfair to the rest of the world, and then suddenly… he doesn’t give it his all?

”Why wouldn’t you?” Nico asks, keeping his voice low. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to react to any of this, but he has to _know_. ”Give at least 60 percent?”

Will is quiet again. It’s unnerving; not that Will isn’t ever quiet, but it’s usually different. The kind of quiet where you can still hear the buzzing of thoughts inside Will’s head as they try to fight their way out in the loudest way possible. Will is rarely so still as he is now. It’s as if he’s calculating, or nervous, or something not entirely negative but not purely positive either, and Nico is getting restless.

”Maybe…” Will starts slowly, then clears his throat. The hand picking on the loose thread has stilled, and Nico is acutely aware how close it is to his own hand. Palm slightly turned up, almost inviting. When Will speaks again, it’s with slow determination, well chosen words and careful stressing. ”Maybe I want to keep myself available until I’m thirty.”

It takes a moment for the words to sink in. A moment, during which Nico’s mind takes him back to January and the worst birthday of his life, to a terrible first kiss and a pact between best friends. Nico hasn’t really given it much thought since. It had been a joke. Right? Something to cheer Nico up from his ridiculously melodramatic episode about dying alone. It’s not… it’s not like Will would actually want to…

And that’s when Nico’s heart skips a beat. And another. Because if he thinks about it, if he really thinks about all the moments that he’s thought about it and Will has made him think that _it’s probably nothing_ , then he realizes that maybe he would. Maybe it’s _not_ nothing, maybe it’s _something_ , maybe Will would want to give it a chance. Nico looks at the offered hand near his (because in this new light he’s _certain_ it looks inviting on purpose) and panics, just a little, before moving his own hand, just an inch. Then a second inch, enough to make the backs of their hands and their little fingers touch at the knuckles.

”I don’t – ”, Nico starts, his voice barely above a whisper, and moves his hand again. It looks delicate, the way their hands seem to circle each other, unsure whether they should intertwine or not. Nico takes a deep breath and braces himself, then decides to just go for it. ”I don’t know what’s the point in waiting until we’re thirty if we’re both holding back already.”

In the end, it’s Will who presses their palms together, fills the spaces between Nico’s fingers with his own and squeezes lightly, still uncertain. They’ve held hands before, lots of times and in many different scenarios, but never like this; never with their hearts beating so loud they can both hear them, never with so many unspoken words between them, never with fingers tangled together like they’re trying to be one hand instead of two. It’s exhilarating, and Nico squeezes back and never wants to let go, because why would he want to when something as simple as holding hands can make him feel like _this_?

When Will’s other hand swims into his vision Nico almost jumps, he’s been so engrossed in the way he can’t see the difference of their skin tones in the dark. Will moves slowly, a little like he’s asking if what he’s doing is okay, and Nico looks up to his eyes because _yes, this is okay, we’re okay_. And once their eyes are locked Nico can’t look away, because just like holding hands, they’ve looked each other before, but it’s never been this intense before, like they’re holding entire life changing conversations and singing each others’ praises at the same time. Will’s hand lands itself on Nico’s cheek, soft and scared and cupping Nico’s jaw gently, so gently that there’s nothing to do but sigh a little and lean against it, just enough to feel.

Is this how it’s going to feel like, from now on? Is this how Nico is going to shiver every time Will looks at him, or touches him, or just exists near him? It’s so much, and Nico doesn’t even know what he’s feeling or if he’s feeling anything at all, all he knows is Will. And it’s scary, and maybe a little crazy, and when the tips of their noses touch Nico’s eyes close on their own account. He can smell the oncoming rain, still miles away, and something sweet on Will’s breath.

They’re so impossibly close. Closer than they’ve ever been before. Nico moves his free hand in search of Will’s chest, shoulder, anything, and his breath stops in his throat when he feels Will lean even closer. And then he melts.

Will’s lips are softer than Lee’s, fuller. They taste sweeter, too, like apple slices and syrup and nothing like Skittles like they should, and it doesn’t even make any sense in Nico’s mind but they do. All in all, kissing Will is so different from kissing Lee, Will is gentler, and calmer, and more careful, and – and Nico should really stop comparing Will to Lee, because Will is _so much_ better in every sense.

It’s almost like dancing, in a way; the gentle move of Will’s lips against his, the hand that tightens it’s hold on his until he can’t feel his fingers anymore. Nico can hear Will taking a slow breath through his nose, and does the same, and then _oh my god_ Will’s lips are parting a little, slotting themselves better with Nico’s, and suddenly he feels really warm all over and – and is that Will’s _tongue_?

Nico has no idea what he’s doing, or what he’s feeling, or even what is going on in general. All he knows that he likes kissing Will, and he wants to keep kissing Will for as long as he has oxygen, and that when they’re close like this it feels like his heart is going to burst, and that he’s pretty sure that _this_ is what it should have felt like when he had his very first kiss. He knows he used to have the world’s biggest crush on Will, back when they were thirteen, but he also knows that this doesn’t feel like a crush. This feels a lot better.

Objectively, it must not last very long. Kisses like that usually don’t, or so Nico thinks. But as they part, slowly and hesitantly like they’re under some kind of a spell, it feels like at least three forevers have passed.

Will doesn’t let him go too far. He keeps one of his hands on Nico’s neck, a thumb stroking the skin behind Nico’s ear, and holds their faces so close that for a moment Nico thinks he might dive in for another kiss right away. Their noses brush together, and it’s a little clumsy and a bit awkward and a lot wonderful, and Nico doesn’t dare open his eyes. What if he does and it’s only to realize that this is yet another one of his stupid dreams?

Is he supposed to say something? Do something? What even is the proper etiquette for after you’ve kissed your best friend of nine years? Nico doesn’t know, he _doesn’t know_ , and now the seconds are stretching and _this is turning awkward, isn’t it?_ But it doesn’t feel awkward, not like that, and Nico is so _confused_ that it takes him a while to register that Will has said something.

”W-what?”

Nico can feel a huff of inaudible laughter against his face before Will repeats himself with a soft voice. ” _Thus with a kiss I die_.”

Shakespeare. Nico wants to laugh. Of course Will would choose to quote _Shakespeare_ in a moment like this. Most of the tension escapes Nico’s body with that realization, and he finds himself smiling. ”You’re such a nerd.”

”I’ve been told that _Romeo and Juliet_ is one of the most romantic pieces in literature”, Will points out, and Nico can hear the undercurrent of a bubbly laugh in his voice. It’s beautiful, it’s so breathtakingly beautiful that Nico lets out a shaky little laugh himself, holding Will’s hand a little tighter. _”Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sights_ … Or are you more of a sonnet kind of guy? I guess I should have known…”

”Shut up.”

” _Shall I compare thee to a summers’s day?_ ” Will teases, actually teases, and the hand on Nico’s neck travels up to stroke his hair. It’s kind of nice. Nico can feel the vibrations of the words where his own hand still rests, right there where Will’s neck meets his shoulder. ” _Thou art more lovely and more temperate: rough winds do shake_ – ”

Nico kisses him again. That’s the only way he can think of to shut him up.

**

Nico has his first time with Will in a car. Or, well – maybe that depends on your definition of a first time. There is, of course, that time that Nico managed to make Will come in his pants, up in the tree house, after one too many moments of threading the fine line between making out and heavy petting. Hands; well, that was a few weeks ago in Nico’s bedroom, with Will trying to get his revenge and Nico being more than happy to give it to him. But this – this is heavier, more serious, and Nico thinks he might die before the car is even parked.

It had been decided, that day in Nico’s bedroom when both of them were out of breath and caught between unable to look away and avoiding each other’s eyes, that they’d do it the night of Winter Formal. Not in so many words, just… it was always implied. In the looks Will gave Nico. In the way Nico bit down to Will’s lower lip. In the way neither of them denied it. And Nico has been looking forward to this with his heart pounding and palms sweating, and it’s finally here.

They have skipped out of Will’s house quickly, promising a disappointed Mr Solace he’d get pictures of them from prom. Nico isn’t sure if they have any actual intention of going to prom, because that’s still months away and Nico isn’t really a prom going kind of person, but Will’s dad takes that as a promise, and Nico can drag Will out before he loses his nerve.

Later Nico thinks that it’s very lucky that Mr Solace’s project car is actually good for use – not for a long drive, but enough for tonight. Will places a hand on Nico’s thigh as soon as they turn from the driveway to the street, and it doesn’t leave in a long while. It just stays there, a warm and heavy promise of what’s to come, and Nico’s skin feels too tight on his shaking muscles as he tries to swallow around the lump in his throat and get used to the loud roar of the old engine of the vintage car. He focuses on connecting his phone to the Bluetooth speaker they brought along and chooses their playlist, but he does that too quickly and he’s done by the time they’re stopping at the intersection uptown.

The drugstore’s flashy sign catches Nico’s eye and he jumps at a sudden realization.

”Should we get – supplies?” he asks carefully, trying to sound like the word doesn’t feel heavy and awkward on his tongue. He knows he’s not fooling Will, but it’s himself he’s trying to convince anyway. ”So that – so the seat won’t – ” And Nico just can’t say it, can he? He can’t make himself say that they need condoms, not because there’s any risks of contagions but so that they don’t ruin the leather seats with their fluids while having sex. Should that be a sign that he’s not ready at all?

Maybe he’s ready, maybe not – maybe there’s no such thing as being ready in the first place, and maybe it’s not even about that, who knows. And does that really matter, in the big scheme of things? Nico knows they’re young, and he knows what people like their parents would say if they knew, but really, is it anyone else’s business but their own? They’ve talked about this with Will; carefully and quietly and a little more than afraid under the blankets, in the heavy silence in their bedrooms when Will’s family is asleep or Nico’s father is passed out in his study. This is what both of them want, and it’s bound to happen eventually, so why not sooner rather than later.

Will hums thoughtfully and worries a lip between his teeth – and even in his panicked state Nico kind of really wants to kiss the redness and remind himself what it tastes like. ”Good thinking”, Will says quietly, and Nico is sure he hears a nervous tremble in his voice only because he knows to look for it. They turn to the parking lot and Will squeezes his thigh once before saying, ”I’ll be right back”, and getting out of the car to run to the store.

Nico uses the minutes Will is in the drugstore to calm himself down, but with little success. He knows there’s nothing to be afraid of, in theory; this is with Will, and he knows they can stop at any time, and there’s no obligatory reason they should so this today. He knows it’s not going to be perfect; how could it when neither of them know what the hell they’re doing? But it’s not perfect Nico is looking for, it’s a different kind of connection, something deeper and more intimate to share with Will, something they can’t just say with words, something just for them.

Somewhere along the way Nico realizes he’s starting to sound like the bland pop songs Will likes to listen from time to time, and the thought makes him relax a little and let out a quick laugh. It’s okay to be nervous; Will is nervous too, Nico knows it for a fact. They’re in the same boat, so to speak, and Nico forces the tension leave his shoulders while he waits, now a little more excited, for Will to return.

Will seems to have done some thinking of his own, because when he gets back and slams the car door shut behind him he sighs, long and heavy and a little relieved, and drops a white plastic bag to Nico’s lap. Nico watches him as he closes his eyes for a brief moment, seemingly counts to ten, then opens them again and starts the car, now far more relaxed than when they left home less than half an hour ago. Nico smiles and bites his lip, and when they’re on the road again he touches Will’s hand on the gearstick carefully before covering it silently with his own.

As they drive to a pre-decided location out of town, Nico feels a little like a fugitive; the way they lie and hide from their families and friends, even though Nico is more than certain that at least Jason has long since figured out what’s going on, probably even before he was told that they wouldn’t exactly be attending Winter Formal. It sends his heart racing for a whole different reason, and he might even chuckle a little, but if Will hears or registers that he doesn’t say anything.

On the parking lot behind an abandoned gas station isn’t probably the most romantic place to have your first time with your boyfriend, but it’s where they end up. They’re a fumbling mess of nerves and excitement when Will drags Nico to the back seat, but when he leans to kiss Nico it’s grounding, calming even as it sends a shock down Nico’s spine. Because this is _Will_ , his best friend, and in the last months Nico has started to believe he might be a little in love, and hey, everything’s going to be okay, after all.

They don’t really have to talk. This part is familiar by now: the hands that sneak up under Nico’s shirt and push it off, the lips against his throat and the way Nico makes Will sigh when he rakes his hands through his hair. It’s a slow build, and the air starts to chill out in the car now that they have been parked for a while, but Will’s hands warm Nico right up, touching him everywhere at once and pulling him close to his chest. Their playlist hums lowly in the background, and the moon is the only source of light for them, and to hell with it, Nico thinks it might be the most romantic situation he’s ever been in. He doesn’t tell this to Will. Will would just get smug about it.

Both of them shirtless and Will’s hands groping purposefully Nico’s backside, Nico leans to the front seat and picks up the plastic bag Will had tossed at him, starting to go through the contents. It’s a little embarrassing, maybe, to hold a tube of lube in his hands, knowing exactly what it is and why they need it (Nico knows now that at this point there’s no point in trying to claim he’s not blushing, because _oh boy_ is he blushing), but it’s also kind of thrilling. The packet of condoms, however… ”Strawberry flavor? Really, Will?”

Will’s face is crimson red, darker still in the nightfall, far away from any streetlights. ”Old Lady May was looking at me weird! I grabbed the first package I saw. It’s not like they had a very grand selection to choose from, anyway.”

”Are you sure Old Lady May wasn’t just looking at you weird _because_ you bought strawberry flavored condoms – ”

Will cuts him off with a kiss, a little more nervous than the previous ones but also a little calmer, gentler, but only for a moment; then it starts building up again, like it has so many times before, and Nico can taste the beginnings of a new kind of hunger on his tongue.

Undressing in the backseat of the car is a challenge Nico hadn’t taken into account. They agree on just going with the flow, doing what feels good, but they still need to pause multiple times. Once because _no, stop, I will not do this while listening to Simon & Garfunkel_. Twice because Will bumps his head to the roof of the car and they have to adjust their position again. And once more because Nico bumps _his_ head to the door and for a moment there it almost seems like Will can’t stop his giggling for long enough for them to actually do anything.

”Are we going to do this or not?” Nico can feel the way his face burns, but there’s no point in getting embarrassed about that at this point – he’s more frustrated than anything. His back kind of hurts when he pushes himself back into a sitting position, dragging his bare skin against the leather, making awkward noises that don’t help the situation _at all_. Maybe they should just give up.

Will takes a calming breath, and Nico gets a feeling the whole giggling episode had more to do with nerves than him hitting his head. ”No, okay, I – come here, sit on my lap.” Will helps Nico straddle his thighs, and Nico is just that much shorter than when he rests his full weight on Will he doesn’t hit his head, and that’s a bigger relief than it probably should be. ”There, that’s better”, Will mutters with that soft smile of his, palms flat and burning against Nico’s thighs, rubbing gently, and what else can Nico do but to kiss him when he’s like that?

Nico likes the kissing. He likes it a lot. It’s familiar territory, and it almost distracts him from the erections rubbing together between them, the way it feels both wonderful and terrifying. The slide of Will’s tongue against his gives Nico the extra courage he needs to move his hips just a little, to grind down, and Will’s answering groan is hot and needy and _good_ against Nico’s mouth.

The lube is cold and sticky, and when Will’s trembling hand reaches behind Nico he hides his face in Will’s shoulder, hiding the way he bites his lip hard enough to draw blood. It feels weird, having something there, like an intrusion he hasn’t prepared for – which is kind of funny, because this _is_ a preparation, right? Nico takes deep breaths, tries to focus on Will’s other hand rubbing circles to his lower back. He doesn’t know how to tell Will that he can take it, that he’s tried this before on his own a few times. The words sound heavy and too much inside his head so he keeps quiet, letting out only little sounds he can’t keep in. He’s not even sure if they’re encouraging or not, just knows that Will is causing them.

Once they get to the good part – or, what every book and magazine and movie ever _swears_ is the _good part_ – Nico has to force himself to breathe through it. His thighs are shaking as he tries to lower himself as slowly as he can, and it _burns_ , and Will is panting against his cheek and whispering something that could be a prayer, could be Nico’s name, could be the square root of pi. Nico can’t hear any of it, all he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears, and his heart pounding against his chest, and then Will is all the way in with his stupid strawberry flavored condom and Nico hugs him tight, _tight_ , and holds more still than he ever has in his life.

”Nico…”

”I – just – ” Nico struggles with forming words. His every breath feels like a gasp, and he feels strange, and a little lightheaded. He can’t feel the cold of the air anymore, just Will’s hot breath against his skin, and if nothing else in this is good and wonderful then at least that is, the fact that it’s Will, that he’s doing this with no one else but Will. ”Just give me a minute?”

”Okay.” Will holds on to Nico’s hip with a strong hand, and somewhere in the back of his head Nico is kind of excited to see if he’ll have bruises from it later. Just a little thing reminding him that this actually happened. ”Just… I don’t think this is going to take long, for me.”

And Nico is sure this is not what Will was trying to do, but it sends Nico into a fit of giggles of his own, and aren’t they a pair, getting nothing done because they can’t seem to stay serious for more than fifteen minutes at a time. But Nico just laughs, quiet and breathless as he presses his forehead to Will’s neck, and that makes Will laugh too. Nico has heard about people getting offended when their partner laughs during sex, but he doesn’t understand – in what little he knows about sex, it’s supposed to be fun, and what is more fun that laughing with a person you care most about in the whole world?

Plus, laughing with Will with their bare chests pressed together, with them so close together that it’d be impossible to get any closer, Will literally inside Nico… that’s a whole new kind of intimate. Isn’t that exactly what Nico wanted from this? Nico feels himself relax with it, bit by bit, and when he takes a deep breath and lets it out it somehow lets Will slide just that much deeper inside him and _oh_ , that’s the first time it feels actually _good_ for Nico in all this.

They start moving, slowly, and Nico doesn’t feel that good again, but he doesn’t feel bad, either. He rocks his hips the way he’s seen people do in movies, and to be honest he gets off more on the sounds that Will makes than the actual act. Will’s breath comes out in huffs and puffs, and he keeps his eyes closed while Nico kisses his face all over, and every few times when Nico angles his hips forward there’s a desperate sort of moan deep down Will’s throat that makes Nico’s own breath hitch. It’s different from the noises Will has made before, in the tree house and in the darkness of the bedroom. It’s somehow better.

Will doesn’t last long, just like he said, and he comes with his mouth against Nico’s throat in a silent scream and a stutter that shakes his whole body and Nico’s with it. It’s a lot more intense than the times Nico has seen him orgasm before, and the best part is that he can _feel_ it all over. Nico reaches a hand down while Will catches his breath, finishing himself off the way he knows will work, and he’s not really that disappointed when he comes on his own hand with little to no help from Will. As far as first times go, Nico doesn’t think many people get to come together in perfect synchrony.

Their playlist has started over when they use paper napkins to wipe Nico’s chest clean. Will wraps the used condom disgustingly in one napkin and puts it to the plastic bag, but not before he fishes out a bag of Skittles and two bottles of water. Nico takes one of the bottles and takes a small sip before offering it to Will.

”Do you think we should have waited a little longer?”

Nico doesn’t know why he only has the courage to ask the question twenty minutes later, keeping his eyes to his nails. They’re sitting at the opposite ends of the backseat, leaning their backs to the doors with their legs tangled together under Will’s denim jacket. The windows are still a little steamed up, like in Titanic, and Nico tries not to think about it too much.

Without looking up, Nico hears Will take the bag of Skittles and open it. ”Do you?” Will asks him in turn, and a part of Nico thinks it’s not really fair. But then again, it is _Nico_ who had to readjust a few times before he found a way to sit so his ass doesn’t hurt.

So instead of hearing Will’s opinion Nico has to think about it himself. It’s hard to put in words. ”I mean… not really? But if…” If they were to do it all over again? If they didn’t have the project car and had to use the one Will’s dad drives to work every day? If had ended up doing it in the tree house like Will originally suggested? Nico’s mind is so full of _if_ s that it hurts. ”Maybe a few more months? It was good, but – I think it would’ve been even better if…”

And is that even the right thing to say? Is it okay for Nico to – to _dismiss_ the whole thing like that? Are the words going to hurt Will? Nico swallows hard, and captures one of Will’s feet between both of his own, wiggling his toes awkwardly against Will’s heel. Nico hopes that the contact is enough to calm the potential panic he knows could be rising in Will’s chest, like it is in his own. He doesn’t want Will to think that he regrets it, any of it, because he could never regret Will. Not in anything.

”…yeah.” Will’s voice is soft, like he’s smiling. Nico looks up, and there it is; a tiny smile, a little rueful but understanding, and Nico can see that Will agrees with him. But that’s all okay. This was a first. There are hopefully more times ahead of them, and they’re not in a hurry anymore. They know what to expect now. Nico thinks that might be the biggest accomplishment of the night, but doesn’t say anything, just returns Will’s smile with his own.

Will looks good like this; in his boxers, with his shirt back on but unbuttoned, skin still flushed with a screaming red mark near his left clavicle. Nico doesn’t remember biting there, but a lot of things from the past hour are a little fuzzy in his mind right now, so it doesn’t bother him. He just looks at Will, watches as he picks up the red candies only and pops them to his mouth and takes a sip of water.

”Will?” At the call of his name, Will focuses on Nico’s face again, and Nico thinks something might have shifted. He thinks about all the awkward moments they have ever shared, all the fumbling and tumbling and blushing of that night alone, and it makes him feel warm. He doesn’t think he’ll ever have to worry about feeling awkward with Will, not after all that. ”You know I love you, don’t you?”

Nico has always loved Will’s smile. Ever since they were little kids playing around with chalks on the driveway to Will’s house. It’s radiant, it lights up the room and makes Nico’s heart flutter. ”Yeah. I do.” Will’s toes play with Nico’s. It’s silly and makes Nico think Will might be the biggest dork in the universe, but at least he's Nico’s. That alone makes it all more than okay. ”And you know I love you?”

Of course Nico knows. He doesn’t even have to say anything; he just had to hear it and smile. It’s not hard to smile, after hearing it. It is a really nice thing to hear.

**

October is in no way warm enough for them to sleep in the tree house. Nico knows it, he knows that Will knows it, but neither of them care. They have five extension cords connecting the tree house to the distribution box on the wall by the back door just so they can have their electric thermal blankets up there. The cold is only an excuse for Nico to snuggle closer to Will’s chest – an excuse he really doesn’t need at this point of dating but uses anyway.

Cold wind blows through the glassless window of the hut and makes Nico shiver. He’s wearing three long-sleeved t-shirts and one of Will’s jerseys, and there are two knitted blankets _and_ a thermal blanket on top of him, but it still isn’t enough. But there’s _no way_ he’s giving up and making them go inside; they have been talking about this for _weeks_. Last outdoor sleepover of the year is a tradition, and true, it has never taken place this late in the fall, but that doesn’t mean they should just give up. They had hot cocoa and everything. They’ll be fine.

”Remember that first time we slept up here?” Nico asks Will, feels him run a hand slowly up and down his back. Nico has missed this; missed the easy closeness, the casual touches, the quiet intimacy of lying next to another person. College is so dumb.

Will hums, and Nico can feel it vibrating on the chest under his head. ”Of course. That was my first ever sleepover.”

Nico starts. ”Wait, really?”

”Yeah, I mean”, Will shifts a little so that he’s lying on his back and pulls Nico with him, ”I had had friends over before, but that was the first time I ever slept over at a friend’s house. You have no idea how excited I was.” Will’s chuckles make Nico’s head jump a little, and it’s a bit annoying but fondness easily overrules it. ”It was a lot warmer then.”

Nico snorts and slips a cold hand under Will’s pullover, over the flannel. ”It was the middle of summer, idiot, of course it was warmer than it is now.” He nuzzles his ice cold nose to the pullover. It scratches his skin in that nice way only a woolly piece of clothing can. Then when his hand has warmed up enough, he moves it under the flannel too, gradually moving closer to Will’s skin between the layers. sue him, he hasn’t seen his boyfriend in weeks and he’s missed Will.

If Will minds Nico’s exploration he doesn’t say it. Instead he buries his fingers in Nico’s hair in that soft way he does, slowly combing through the tangles. How is it that Will’s hands are so much warmer than Nico’s? ”We got drunk for the first time up here.”

Nico doesn’t know when this turned into a walk down the memory lane, but he grins all the same. ”Smoked our first pack of cigarettes.”

”Hopefully was our last, too.” Nico can feel the disgust in Will’s voice and can’t help but agree; cool as they thought it was, there is no way in hell he’s ever going to smoke again. Guess it’s a phase every teenager has to go through at one point.

Nico moves his head enough that he can see Will in the pale light of the fairy lights they have inside a glass jar in the corner. Will looks tired; not in the way that you’re tired late in the evening, but in the way that you have spent the last weeks getting used to the new life in a university half a country away from home and then travelled hours for a long weekend back just to be smothered by your mother and unable to take a well deserved nap. Nico knows he should let Will sleep and get a good night’s rest in a real bed instead of hard wood boards of an old tree house.

But Nico is a selfish creature. He knows this, and is actually a little proud of it. So instead of moving them inside like a good boyfriend would do, Nico sacrifices that in favor of their best friend traditions. Because that’s what they are, first and foremost, even when Nico scoots up and captures Will’s lips in a languid kiss that warms him up more than the stupid blankets ever could.

Will’s lips taste like hot cocoa, which makes so much sense it’s almost annoying. Sometimes Nico hates it how with Will so many things make sense. But then there are things that never will; the way Will can make his heart speed up with a single smile; the fact that Will always seems to be so much better than him at kissing even though they have exactly the same amount of experience; the way Will always smells slightly like freshly cut grass when Nico buries his face in his neck and inhales slowly, committing every tiny little thing about Will to his memory.

”We had our first kiss here.” Will doesn’t say it as a reminder, like he thinks Nico doesn’t remember. He says it like it just popped to his head, and he just wants to share with Nico what he’s thinking. It makes Nico smile against the skin right by Will’s Adam’s apple. ”I still kind of wish we’d had sex for the first time here, too. Wouldn’t that have been, like, _so_ romantic?”

And it’s so like Will to bring that up time and again, when Nico least expects it. Nico rolls his eyes; they’ve had this conversation dozens of times already. ”Only if you think the possibility of the whole thing falling apart in the middle of it all is romantic.”

”You know, I think it kind of is.” Will’s laughter isn’t very audible, but it’s still beautiful, and Nico closes his eyes and wishes to live in the sound forever. ”I think there’s a reference to multiple tragic romances here: the world falling apart around the two lovers with their forbidden love. A little like _Romeo and Juliet_ , don’t you think?”

”I swear to god, Solace, if you start reciting Shakespeare – ”

” _See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate, that heaven finds means to kill your joys with love!_ ”

”Will!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quotes Will recites throughout the chapter are all Shakespeare, either from _Romeo and Juliet_ or _Sonnet 18_. 
> 
> If someone out there is interested, I have created a [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/sallamari.siekkinen/playlist/1tKuU4baQ4LRXSTolCQvDc) to this story. It's pretty much the playlist Nico and Will listen to most of the time ( _moody assholes_ ). All the songs referenced here as well as in the future will be found there. 
> 
> (And if anyone is interested in what song inspired me the most writing this chapter, it's _While Your Lips Are Still Red_ by Nightwish.)
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are very much appreciated! Also come talk to me on Tumblr (@significant-what) about anything!!!


	3. doctor solace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here. This chapter has taken me months to finish, and yet I still feel like it's rushed. 
> 
> I hope that you can forgive me for taking so long, but this was really emotional for me to write. Lots of stuff happening here. I'm sorry.

Nico’s father works with a bank. That’s all Nico knows, and that’s always how people say it; not _in_ a bank, but _with_ a bank. Nico doesn’t know what it means, but he knows his father is a very important man that drives a fancy car and sits in long meetings that drag well into the night and Nico has to eat dinner with Will’s family. Nico doesn’t mind, because sometimes he even gets to stay the night, even if it is a school night.

That being said, Nico doesn’t know much about what his father does when he leaves the house, but Will knows what his dad does. That comes painfully obvious one Saturday morning when Nico and Will sit at the breakfast table with Will’s mother and grandmother and a four year old Kayla, and Mr Solace breezes through with quick kisses to each of their foreheads (even Nico’s) before going to work. He’s dressed up in a suit, much like Nico’s father always is, but not quite as fancy, and he has an old briefcase in his hand and his hair is combed back and he looks very official. Nico follows him with his big eyes as he stuffs a bagel in his face and grabs the car keys.

”Go save lives, Dad!” is what Will says as a farewell to his dad, and Mr Solace winks and waves and leaves, and Nico turns to look Will, a little confused about what he meant by saving lives.

It’s Will’s grandmother who explains it, when Will seems to be too busy preparing his third peanutbutter and jelly sandwich. ”Lester is a doctor”, she says kindly, like she says everything, and Nico looks at her like she knows all the secrets in the world. ”A very good one. One of the best ones in the country.”

”He’s the best one in the _world_ ”, Will corrects, and when Nico turns to look at him he has strawberry jam on his cheek. Nico thinks about telling him, but doesn’t. ”He saves people every day. I bet he’s never failed to make someone better _ever_!”

It nags in the back of Nico’s head throughout the day. He joins Will in making the new treasure map up in the tree house, but most of his thoughts are in the way Mr Solace can save anyone. He helps Will clean up his room after an intense fight between Spiderman and Doctor Octopus, but still he wonders what could have been if Mr Solace had been there five years ago. When Will’s grandmother teaches them how to make chocolate chip cookies and they wait for them to be ready, Nico is pretty sure that if Mr Solace had been there he could have been able to save his _mamma_ and Bianca.

Nico doesn’t really talk about them, ever. But when Mr Solace comes home from work and sits down in his leather arm chair in the living room, Nico brings him a glass of milk and a plate of cookies, because he knows it makes him feel better. Mr Solace smiles at him and thanks him warmly, and Nico sits on a footstool in front of him and tries to figure out how to ask.

That is when Nico learns for the first time that doctors must also have some kind of psychic powers, because Mr Solace looks at him and asks if there’s something he wants to talk about. Just like that. Nico’s father rarely starts up a conversation with Nico, and never asks him if he has something on his mind. It _must_ be a doctor thing.

Nico sits in silence for a while longer. It’s a little weird, he thinks, to sit there alone with Mr Solace. In the time he’s been Will’s best friend, he’s spent a good amount of time in their house, but even when he’s sat down alone with Mrs Solace and Kayla to help with dinner, or with Will’s grandmother to listen to stories, Nico has never really actually _talked_ to Mr Solace before. Not directly, not privately. He looks at his hands in his lap and thinks about all the times he’s wanted to ask his father something, only to find he doesn’t have enough courage. He wonders if Will can ask his dad anything, like the teachers at school always say most people can.

Mr Solace is kind. That’s something Nico has learned early on, that he’s kind and understanding and cool, and that he lets Will and Nico help him in the garage when he works on the car. And he’s also a doctor, which means he’s really smart. Maybe that’s why Nico manages to take a deep breath and ask Mr Solace whether he thinks that he could have saved _mamma_ and Bianca, had he been there.

What Nico isn’t prepared for is the sad look in Mr Solace’s eyes when he looks at him. It’s similar to the one _zia_ Diana had when she stopped by for a weekend last year and Nico told her he wishes she wouldn’t have to go. Mr Solace leans forward and takes Nico’s hands in his bigger ones, and Nico thinks briefly that he hasn’t held hands with anyone but Will since Bianca died. It feels kind of nice, even if it is only for comfort. It must be another doctor thing.

”What happened to your mother and sister was an accident. A terrible, terrible accident. I’m sure the doctors in charge did everything in their power to save them, but sometimes…” If Nico didn’t know any better, he would be saying that Mr Solace’s eyes shine with unshed tears. But that can’t be right, can it? ”Sometimes even that isn’t enough.”

Later, when Nico is older and he learns all the facts, he understands that Mr Solace is right. An accident, another car coming out of nowhere and crashing to the driver’s side of the vehicle. Nico learns that _mamma_ was dead long before the ambulance came, and that Bianca was basically brain dead before father made the choice to shut down life support. There isn’t anything even Mr Solace could have done, and Nico understands that.

But that kind of understanding comes a lot later. Right now, sitting on the footstool in Will’s living room with his hands in Mr Solace’s, Nico doesn’t understand. All he knows is that his _mamma_ and Bianca died almost five years ago and he still isn’t over it, and that his father is quiet and cold and gone most of the days, and that if it wasn’t for Will Nico would feel so terribly lonely he doesn’t think he could bear it. He pulls his hands to himself and blinks sharply, because he’s eleven now and he’s not supposed to cry over his mother in his friend’s living room, and then, without another word, Nico stands up and gets out, barely stopping to look both ways when he crosses the street on his way home.

Safe inside his own room, Nico sits at his desk and uses a frustrated hand to wipe away the few tears that refused order. He’s not mad at Mr Solace, not exactly; it’s not Mr Solace’s fault that things happen, that _mamma_ and Bianca died and left him with a distant father and an absent aunt. Somewhere in the back of his head Nico knows he was rude, stalking away like that without saying anything, and he promises himself he’ll apologize to Mr Solace, come Sunday.

But Nico _is_ angry, even if he doesn’t know who or what he’s angry _at_. He sits there at his desk and feels the anger rumble in his belly and burn behind his eyes, and he just wants it to stop. He sits there for what feels like hours, staring at the window without seeing anything. When Nico finally registers his surroundings again, it’s gotten dark outside, and he can see the light in Will’s bedroom across the street. Will sits at his desk by the window, just like Nico does, and leans his chin in his hands with his eyes set on Nico’s window.

It occurs to Nico that they have kind of been staring at each other, even if he hasn’t really been noticing. He blushes a little and wonders how long Will has been there.

It takes a bit more strength than usual, but Nico manages a small smile and a wave. He’s not sure if Will sees it, not at first, but then the smile is returned with a wide grin, and Nico feels the rumble in his stomach ease a little. It’s easier after that to close the curtains and get ready for bed.

**

Three weeks later Nico jumps from the swings behind Will’s house. He’s done it a thousand times before, but it’s the first time he falls on the landing, has to put down his hands, and scrapes both his palms and his left knee in the process. He bites the inside of his cheek against the pain, but all Will does is tell him to stay put and run to the house.

When Will comes back he has antiseptic and Spiderman plasters with him, and he makes Nico sit by the weathered picnic table while he kneels down to work.

”Dad taught me that cleaning up the wound is the most important part”, Will says and uses a cotton ball to clean Nico’s skin in soothing circles. Nico flinches at the sting but doesn’t say anything. ”He’s a _neurologist_ ”, Will explains, saying the word carefully, in a way Nico has learned he says all the big words that make absolutely no sense to Nico before Will explains them, ”but of course he knows how to treat other wounds, too.”

Will is really careful with the shredded skin on Nico’s palms. The antiseptic smells overly clean and reminds Nico of hospitals, but Will’s voice is warm and friendly and soothing and doesn’t give Nico a chance to panic. Will makes sure there are no tiny grains under the skin, then places the Spiderman plasters on the wounds carefully and making absolutely sure the cuts are all covered. Nico only blushes a little when Will insists on placing ”healing kisses” on top of the plasters.

”You just wanted to kiss Peter Parker”, Nico teases, trying to direct the attention away from his flaming cheeks.

It’s a joke, clearly. For as long as Nico has known Will, Spiderman has been Will’s favorite superhero. Nico thinks they’re actually a little alike, Will and Peter Parker; both of them are awkward and nerdy and kind of cute when they want to be. Will is eleven years old and still wants his mother to buy him Spiderman plasters, even though the rest of their class use regular boring nude colored plasters when they scratch their knees. Will is funny that way.

It’s a joke, but it takes Nico by surprise what it does to Will. Will freezes totally for a moment, his hands hovering over the antiseptic that he was going to use on Nico’s knee next. Nico looks at his face, suddenly pale except for the blotches of pink on each cheek, and his blue eyes are wide, closer to the size of plates than they normally are.

”I – I mean – ” Will stammers, then clears his throat. Nico doesn’t get what’s going on. Did he say something wrong? He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Will quite like this before. ”I mean, sure.”

Nico doesn’t understand the conversation anymore, so he lets it be. Will works the antiseptic quietly on his knee, with careful and calculated movements on the damaged skin. It stings a little more than on Nico’s palms, and Nico puts great effort on not to jerk his leg and accidentally kick Will in the face.

”I want to be a doctor”, Will says quietly in the awkward silence. His voice sounds a little weird, and Nico gives him a worried look as he plays with the remaining plaster, trying to figure out which way he should put it on Nico’s knee. ”Just like Dad. He said it takes a lot of work to be a neurologist, but I’m willing to do it. I want to save lives, too.”

Whatever it is that’s making Will weird, Nico is sure he’ll figure it out eventually. Will covers the wound in his knee with a Spiderman, smooths the plaster around the edges, then stands up again. There’s no healing kisses to the knee, but Nico thinks that’s alright.

”You’ll want to keep the scratches covered for a day or two”, Will says and picks up the trash before wind takes them. ”But don’t forget to let them breathe. They’ll start itching by weekend, but you mustn’t touch them. That way they’ll heal faster.”

Nico knows this, of course he knows how to work with tiny scratches. But Will sounds really professional, and Nico can’t help but smirk a little. ”Thanks, Doctor Solace.”

Will’s cheeks are red.

**

Nico is thirteen when he thinks he might have a crush. And he’s pretty sure it’s not on someone his father would approve of.

Not that Nico really knows what his father would approve of, relationship-wise. It’s been probably months since they last had a conversation that lasted more than five minutes, and Nico can’t remember when was the last time they discussed anything important at all. They certainly have not talked about who father would prefer Nico had a crush on, and Nico doubts that conversation will ever even be on the table.

Still, when a beautiful boy smiles and Nico’s heart flutters, Nico can’t help but think what father would say. Would he approve? Be indifferent? Disgusted? Nico has no idea. He knows that many people claim boys liking boys is wrong, and that scares him, but he’s even more sacred to realize that he doesn’t know if his father thinks that, too.

During all this, Nico notices he’s starting to spend even more time with the Solaces. Not even specifically with Will, but the whole family; he helps Mrs Solace with dinner and holds Grandma’s yarn when she knits on the back porch, and once or twice he even finds himself helping Doctor Solace out in the garage during Will’s basketball training. He doesn’t know why that it, but something about the way that the family treats him like one of their own makes Nico prefer the always noisy house to the one across the street where you can hear the old grandfather clock ticking in every room.

It’s one of those days when Nico helps Doctor Solace that he cracks. He doesn’t know what makes him do it, but somewhere between holding out a monkey wrench and wiping a drop of oil from his forearm Nico opens his mouth and isn’t quite in control of what comes out.

”Do you think it’s okay for boys to like boys, too?”

Nico doesn’t know what he expects, but Doctor Solace’s calm smile and a somewhat clever look is not it. ”Of course it is. It’s just as natural as boys liking girls and girls liking girls.” He adjusts a bolt and gives the wrench back to Nico, asking for the rag on the side table. ”What brought this on? Has something happened?”

Nico shrugs. He doesn’t know how to proceed. This isn’t a conversation he was planning on having with Doctor Solace, or anyone. Maybe his father, but that was a far fetched dream and he knew it. Nico doesn’t dare look at Doctor Solace, because even though he’s older know and he knows that doctors don’t really have any telepathic powers, he still has a feeling that Doctor Solace has a way of knowing exactly what he’s thinking if he lets their eyes connect. It’s both super cool and super scary.

They work on the car in silence for a while. Doctor Solace asks for several more tools, and Nico hands each of them without saying a word, and Nico prides himself for knowing the difference between two tools that Will always says look exactly the same.

Nico doesn’t say anything, not until they’re sitting by the pavement and drinking the lemonade Grandma brought them, and Doctor Solace simply asks him in a kind and calm voice if Nico has a crush on a boy.

”You – you wouldn’t be mad?” Nico asks, a little scared still to look directly at Doctor Solace, fidgeting with his straw and poking the slice of lemon to the bottom of the glass. Nico has heard rumors of parents kicking their sons out of their homes for liking other boys; what if Doctor Solace tells him that he’s no longer welcome there?

But Doctor Solace lets out a small laugh and puts his glass down. ”Oh Nico, it would be pretty hypocritical of me to be mad about something like that.”

This is how Nico learns about what it is to be bisexual. Doctor Solace tells him stories from when he was a boy, about his first girlfriend and first boyfriend and the short period of time that he had one of each, about the difficulties he faced when trying to understand what it meant to have so many feelings towards so many people at once. By the time that Nico knows he should get home to get ready for dinner with father, he has learned so much that his head might just explode, and he feels so much better than he has felt in weeks. Nico doesn’t really think he’s bisexual like Doctor Solace, he’s never liked a girl like that, but he also knows that that time might still come. It feels nice to have someone to talk about it, someone who understands.

Before he goes, Nico does something he hasn’t ever done before. He walks up to Doctor Solace and wraps his arms around his middle in a tight, slightly awkward hug. Doctor Solace smells like sweat and motor oil and lemon hand soap and not at all like hospitals, and he’s just as warm as Will.

”Thanks”, Nico mumbles to his shirt, so quietly that he’s not sure Doctor Solace even hears it. His face is burning and he’s all the way across the street before he can get a reply.

**

Nico and Will go to a party at the start of their junior year of high school, and Will places his arm on the back of the couch right where Nico is sitting. Nico wouldn’t think much of it if it wasn’t for Jason’s pointed look across the room where he himself has his arm around Piper, mirroring them almost perfectly. The only difference is that Jason and Piper have been dating for the past three weeks.

_It’s probably nothing_ , Nico thinks and sips his too strong drink from a red plastic cup. Will stays close to him the entire night.

A few months later, during a lunch break at school, Nico over hears someone calling him and Will fags. It’s not the first time Nico has heard it, but it’s the first that he’s heard Will being included to that. It hurts, mostly because even though Nico is pretty sure Will likes boys, too, Will himself hasn’t said anything to anyone yet and he should be given the chance to choose when and how to come out to people, if ever. Nico feels his face go red with anger (yes, it’s definitely anger, it certainly has nothing to do with his ever growing crush on Will) and his jaw clenches, and he’s all ready to stand up and punch the girl that said it when he feels Will’s hand on his arm.

”Don’t bother”, Will says, and his smile is bright like sunrise and warm like freshly baked cookies, and Nico’s heart flutters a little. ”She’s not exactly wrong, is she? It’s not worth it.”

It feels a little like Will’s hand is burning a hole through Nico’s shirt, leaving an imprint on his arm. Half of Nico wants to yank his arm away, the other half never wants Will to stop touching him. He keeps his hard stare strictly on his orange juice. ”But you haven’t – ”

”I know.” The hand on his arm squeezes a little. ”But if I just don’t deny it, then I don’t have to make a big show out of it, right? Let it go.” From the corner of his eye Nico sees Will turn his gaze back to his Italian text book. ”I’m going to be so screwed if I don’t learn these words before lunch break is over.”

Will’s hand barely leaves Nico’s arm during the rest of lunch, and Nico swears he can feel how a few times Will’s thumb moves in almost a caress. It’s probably nothing.

A week from this Will is sleeping over at Nico’s house, like he does every other Friday night. Will is wearing one of his basketball team jerseys and he’s buried under two blankets because he claims it’s cold – he always claims it’s cold in Nico’s room. Nico tosses and turns, and ends up mindlessly staring at the tuft of golden hair that is visible in the moonlight. He can’t see Will’s face, just the tip of his nose and the hair, and it’s all so familiar because this is how they have spent their Friday nights for years. It’s so familiar, and just like before, and at the same time Nico feels like nothing’s the way it used to be. He used to be the one to fall asleep first, and Will used to tease him about that, and he definitely didn’t use to get butterflies in his stomach when he noticed how close his nose was to Will’s.

Nico takes a deep breath and quietly parkours over Will and out of bed, careful not to wake him. He tiptoes his way to the upstairs bathroom and closes the door before looking at himself from the mirror. His face is just as red as it feels, and he can almost see his hammering pulse on his neck. Nico splashes some cool water on his face and drinks a glass, too, trying to calm himself down enough to be able to fall asleep

When Nico comes back from the bathroom, Will has vacated his own pillow in favor of burying his face in Nico’s.

_It’s probably nothing._

**

Doctor Solace is the first person Nico talks to about father’s brain tumor. A little part of him feels bad not telling Will first, but Will is busy doing the reading required for his first college classes starting in September and Nico has agreed that it’s important. Besides, Doctor Solace is, well, a doctor. To Nico, he seems like the logical first choice.

Turns out that Doctor Solace is already aware of the situation – and after a little while, this makes sense to Nico, too.  Doctor Solace is, after all, a neurologist, and the only possible doctor that could have possibly treated father in their small town. It only hurts slightly that Will’s dad knew about the cancer before Nico did, but that’s a doctor thing. He does understand. Also, Nico is nineteen now. It’d be stupid of him to be hurt about a thing like that, when there’s a real problem at hand.

”He said he’s refusing treatment”, Nico mumbles to the cup of coffee Doctor Solace has placed in his hands.

”To be honest, there’s very little the treatment could possibly do”, Doctor Solace admits, and it hurts, it hurts so much that Nico hasn’t talked to father in months, not really, and when he does he learns about _this_. ”Of course there’s always the possibility that the chemo actually works, and at the very least it would give him a little more time, but there are metastases all over his body. At this point, what he really needs is a miracle.”

Nico is aware of that. He looks down at his reflection on the surface of his black coffee and swallows down the lump in his throat. He has known about the cancer for four hours now, and the amount of decisions he has to make seems to grow by the minute.

They sit there at the kitchen table in silence for a while. Doctor Solace seems to be giving Nico a chance to gather his thoughts, a little space, whatever he wants to call it. Nico doesn’t think there’s anything he can actually say at this point, not anything of any real value anyway, so he keeps quiet. He keeps quiet and the coffee in his mug gets colder and the clock that Kayla painted at school last year keeps ticking. Nico kind of wants to get out of there, but mostly he just wants to stay, to sit there with someone who maybe understands a little of what’s going on in his head, rather than to go home and pretend he’s not pissed off at his fatally ill father.

When Will maybe ten minutes later wanders to the kitchen to fill his water bottle and have a snack he seems a little surprised to see Nico there. Nico can understand that; he’s supposed to be packing for the fall semester, not sitting quietly in the Solace household kitchen with Will’s dad.

”Nico?” It’s amazing, really, how in mere seconds Will can sense that something is terribly wrong. ”What is it?”

Will’s dad looks sympathetic, and Nico actually really hates that, so gets up and puts his half empty mug of coffee on the side table before taking Will’s hand and dragging him outside. Will doesn’t say anything as they walk across the street and around Nico’s house to the back yard, not when they climb up to the tree house, not when Nico sits cross legged across from Will and picks on a stray yarn at the corner of a worn blanket.

”Father is dying”, is how Nico opens, not wanting to beat around the bush with Will and instead going straight to the thing that’s wrong. ”They say he has six months, maybe a year.”

With a surprisingly calm and collected voice Nico repeats what father has told him earlier that day, and halfway through Will reaches out and takes his hand. Then Nico goes on to speculate how father will proceed, not knowing anything for sure but understanding the sickness enough to know that very soon father will be too sick to go to work anymore. There will be days when he’s bound to his bed, needing someone to take care of everything for him, and days when father will want to go outside against his better judgement and will need someone to keep an eye on him.

And Nico knows father will refuse outside help.

”I’m going to call the admissions office of my college first thing tomorrow”, Nico says, drawing mindless patterns to Will’s skin and hating how lifeless and empty his own voice sounds. ”I’m going to put off my studies for a year. I can’t move halfway across the country and leave him like this.”

”Of course.” It’s the first thing that Will has said since leaving the kitchen, and Nico doesn’t know how much time has passed. ”You have to do what you think is the best.”

Maybe it’s Will’s voice. Maybe it’s the way he’s spent the last how many hours trying to fight the emotions building inside him. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s finally said everything he has to say about the matter at this point. Whatever it is, it makes Nico take a short breath and then choke on a sob so powerful it shakes his whole body in both intensity and surprise.

Nico doesn’t really cry. In general, that is. He used to cry after his mother a lot when he was little, and then he had those few years of extreme confusion in his early teens when he cried over nothing and everything from time to time. But now it has been ages since the last time he really cried, so it shocks him when the tears start coming and the sobs take his breath away. In all honesty it shouldn’t be any surprise, but it is.

Will is there. Will is _right there_ when Nico starts breaking, and pulls him to his lap like a small child, cradles his head like it might shatter any minute, runs a hand up and down Nico’s back in a soothing motion that doesn’t exactly help but feels nice anyway. Nico cries and cries, not loudly but not quietly either, and afterwards he’s really sorry he ruined Will’s shirt with his snot but right now he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, because his father is dying and refusing to do anything that would stop that, and that means that very soon Will is going to be everything Nico has left. It hurts so bad that Nico bites down to his lip to make it stop.

It doesn’t stop. It doesn’t go away. It dulls a little, when Nico’s tears dry and the sobs end and Nico lets his head fall down against Will’s shoulder. It burns in the back of his head when he links his fingers with Will’s and squeezes tightly enough to hurt. It’s still there, constantly reminding him of the fact that the world is cruel and unfair, even when Will tells him he loves him and touches his neck so gently, feather soft and whisper light.

Nico’s father is dying. Nico is staying at home as long as needed, to watch as his father withers away day by day without the treatment that could save his life. And Will… Will is going to college, like he’s been dreaming to since he was little, to become a great doctor like his dad.

Nico tries really hard to not feel like he’s being left behind.

**

Most days are long, slow, and hard to get through.

Nico wakes up to father coughing down the hall and wonders if he should check on him or not. He’s made it a habit to bring breakfast to father every morning, even though it almost always goes uneaten, the coffee untouched.

Because he’s taken two online courses to prepare himself for the time he finally goes the college (he doesn’t want to think about what’s going to happen before that), Nico usually uses the time before lunch writing his essays and dodging Will’s texts. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to Will; it’s more like if he lets himself enjoy his boyfriend even a few minutes before father has eaten a bite he feels so incredibly guilty that he won’t talk to Will all week, and that’s just not fair. Instead he lets the texts unread and answers to them all at once when he’s made sure father has at least tasted his food.

After lunch father usually naps, and Nico walks across the street to have tea with Will’s grandma and to help Kayla with homework. Well, he says help; most of the time they just end up trying to find the silliest Snapchat filter and send stupid pictures to Will while he’s stuck in his morning class. Grandma teaches Nico to bake banana bread, but Nico manages to burn it every time he tries to make it for father.

Kayla sometimes comes back home with Nico. Nico doesn’t know when it happened, but Kayla has somehow made Nico her substitute brother in Will’s absence. It feels a little weird at first, but once Nico realizes Kayla’s perfectly happy just sitting with him in the living room and reading, or from time to time helping him cut vegetables to bring for father as snacks, he gets used to it. They Skype Will together and talk to him for a while before Kayla goes home, and Nico keeps the conversation going for hours.

They don’t even always talk. Will does school work and mutters to himself from time to time, and Nico scrolls internet or starts making dinner or naps. Every five minutes Nico looks at his computer screen and sees Will and misses him so much his heart aches, but he shakes that off quickly. He has no right to miss him. He can’t keep feeling like he’s stuck and left behind when it was his own decision to stay back and take care of father. If anything, he should let Will go, set him free and not burden him anymore.

(Nico has tried that. On one particularly tiring weekend, when Will was back for a weekend and they spent the night in the tree house despite the cold, Nico asked if Will thought it’d be better if they broke up. Will asked if that was what Nico wanted, and Nico said that of course it wasn’t, and it was their worst fight yet. In the end Nico just cuddled closer to Will’s chest and cried a little, making Will promise not to let go. Will held him so tight he almost couldn’t breathe, and when Will had to leave again a few days later it was that much harder not to follow.)

When they talk, they talk about everything and nothing. Will tells Nico about his professors and classmates and the second hand store where he found curtains for his apartment. Nico ponders out loud about why he can’t seem to manage to bake banana bread without grandma’s help, and admits how proud he is that Kayla managed to get his calculus grade up. Will asks if Nico got the post card he sent, the one that had a picture of a dog with sunglasses on it. Nico asks about that annoying girl in Will’s study group, if he tried the new brew in campus coffee shop yet, shouldn’t he be getting ready for his afternoon class already. 

Will goes to class, and Nico manages to get father downstairs for dinner. Father eats a small plateful, just enough to keep Nico happy, and helps Nico with the dishes without another word. The clattering of plates fills the silence until father retreats back to his room and Nico is alone again. He works on his essays a little more.

Will calls again later at night, and Nico cuddles his pillow close to his chest while they listen to each other’s breathing. Sometimes Nico tells Will that he misses him, other times he doesn’t, but Will always knows. They barely say anything, but Will never ends the call before Nico falls asleep.

**

Two weeks before Thanksgiving father tells Nico he’s flying out to see some doctor about an alternative medicine. Something about it sounds fishy to Nico, but he shrugs off the feeling and turns back to the dishes.

”When are you leaving?”

”Tomorrow morning.”

Nico rinses the last plate and gives it to father for drying. ”You sure you don’t want me to go with you? You know I wouldn’t mind.”

Father smiles, but it’s hollow. He’s thinner than a few months ago, and he looks a thousand years old. His once tanned olive skin is fragile and sickly gray. Nico hates looking at him.

”I’ll be alright. You stay here and focus on your studies.”

And that’s that. Father goes to bed, and in the morning Nico sees him to the taxi and waves him off with a worry that’s made home in his mind for months.

That Nico gets a text from father, telling him he landed safely, and that a nurse was waiting for him as promised. Nico doesn’t remember when was the last time he got such a detailed text from father, but writes it off as a good sign. Maybe father is hopeful about the alternative medicine. Nico doubts it’ll work, but if it makes his father even a little less gloomy it’ll be worth it.

It isn’t until late morning a few days later that Nico realizes how much he has been lied to.

He’s trying the banana bread again; he’s not much of a cook, or a baker, but he’s determined to bake at least _something_ for Thanksgiving that isn’t store-bought. He’s just put the thing in the oven when the doorbell rings. Thinking it’s probably Kayla, Nico hangs up _mamma_ ’s old apron that he only uses when no one’s around, walks to the door, and opens it.

”Shouldn’t you be getting ready for scho– _zia_?”

It’s not Kayla. It’s _zia_ Diana, a bag in hand and cheeks rosy against the biting cold and the worry line between her brows deeper than Nico has seen since _mamma_ and Bianca died. Though, to be honest, Nico hasn’t seen much of _zia_ since then; she barely visits once a year for Christmas. That’s partly why her sudden appearance on Nico’s doorstep is so strange. She hasn’t mentioned anything about visiting in the post card she sent from Puerto Rico last month.

Nico steps aside to let _zia_ in, and she enters, dropping her bag by the stairs and shedding her coat to the closet next to Nico’s. Then she does something that makes the whole situation even stranger: she turns to Nico and wraps him in a tight hug, the kind that he used to get a lot when he was little and asked her if she could read the comic book one more time for him before she had to go (she rarely could).

”How are you holding up?” is the first thing she asks him, and Nico freezes, alarmed.

”I’m – doing okay?” Nico steps back to look at her, afraid of what she’s going to say next. ”Why? Has something happened?”

A dozen different emotions flash on _zia_ Diana’s face then, only few of which Nico can name. When she finally settles for one, Nico wants to take another step back. _Zia_ looks furious, and Nico can only hope the rage isn’t directed at him. He’s never really seen _zia_ angry, but she looks so dangerous Nico isn’t sure he even wants to.

”He didn’t tell you, did he?” she says, and Nico isn’t even sure she expects an answer. She doesn’t get one, just a blank look from Nico, and she lets out a sharp sigh and looks like she’d very much like to punch something, or someone. ”I _told_ him he should tell you. This is not a thing to be played with! That _bastardo_ , I should have known he’d do something like this, he always was a stupid _codardo_ – ”

Nico doesn’t know what’s going on, but he’s pretty sure it’s got something to do with father. Why else would _zia_ Diana suddenly appear here and start rambling angrily?

It feels like a cold iron fist is weaving it’s way around Nico’s heart and ever so slowly tightening it’s grip. ” _Zia_? Is father okay?” He gulps. ”I mean, considering?”

_Zia_ Diana’s face softens then, and that’s somehow even scarier than the angry storm. She reaches out a hand to stroke Nico’s cheek, and it makes Nico feel like he’s six again and father told him mamma and Bianca had been in an accident. The iron grip on his heart keeps tightening and he leans away from the touch. ” _Zia_?”

”Nico”, _zia_ says quietly, and Nico feels so young when he hears her voice that sad. ”Your father flew to Belgium with the intention to end his own life there. His doctor there sent me a confirmation of his passing last night.”

The first thing that pops to Nico’s mind is _what about the alternative medicine?_ The second is _he never said he was going to Belgium_. The grip on his heart is so tight it doesn’t even hurt anymore, it just feels like he can’t feel anything, not even his own pulse. Zia’s words don’t seem to register. They don’t even make any sense; why would father intentionally want to end his own life when he didn’t have that much time to live in the first place? And why wouldn’t he tell Nico about it?

Nico’s thoughts go to the text he received from father, about landing safely. There’s a bitter taste in his mouth now, and a buzzing sound in the back of his head, and the only thing that he manages to think with absolute clarity is I want to get out.

_Zia_ Diana bends down to her bag, and when she straightens up again she holds out an envelope to Nico. ”He mailed this to me”, she says, her voice quiet, and Nico barely even hears it over the buzzing. ”A few weeks ago. Told me to give it to you… you know, after. Said it’s something he wanted to say to you but never could.”

Nico takes the envelope but doesn’t open it. His name is written on the front with father’s curvy handwriting, and Nico wants to rip it to pieces. He’s sure he’ll never want to read what’s inside. Zia had called father a coward, and for a moment there Nico agrees. _Why didn’t he have the courage to tell me this face to face? Or at all?_

”I have to go”, Nico says, his voice as hollow as father’s smile, and he doesn’t really feel anything. He turns to put on shoes but doesn’t reach for his coat. ”There’s… there’s a banana bread in the oven. Take that out in five.” He takes his car keys from the jar by the door and steps outside. ”I just… I gotta go.”

_Zia_ doesn’t call after him. Or maybe she does, but he doesn’t hear her.

Nico gets in the car, drops the envelope on the passenger’s seat, buckles up, and starts driving. He drives and drives, only half aware where he’s going, only stopping once for gas. Then he’s at it again, driving in silence, not bothering to turn on the radio or plug his phone in. He just drives and tries not to think, until he parks the car on the small dark alleyway behind Will’s apartment building.

When he knocks on the door, it occurs to Nico that it’s morning. Will is probably already in class, or at least leaving really soon. Under normal circumstances this would make him feel ashamed, and probably turn back to wait in his car until Will came back or something. He wouldn’t want his problems to affect Will’s school work, Will’s been working so hard to get where he is now, it’s not fair of Nico to dump his shit on Will like that.

These circumstances, however, are anything but normal. Nico couldn’t care less about Will’s classes right now.

Will opens the door quickly, wearing his coat and holding his book back to his shoulder, clearly ready leave for class. His face is shocked at first, then pleasantly surprised when he realized it’s Nico at his door. Then he seems to take in the state Nico is in (he probably looks like death, and if he had any energy left in himself Nico would laugh at the irony), and his face drops to a worried frown.

”Nico? What are you doing here?” (A question that Nico could take offence to if it wasn’t said in such caring and sweet way that it makes Nico’s eyes burn with tears.)

Nico takes a shaky breath. He’s been driving for seven hours straight, through time zones and states, and now that he’s stopped he can’t block his thoughts and emotions anymore. Seeing Will is such a huge relief even in his confused and helpless state of mind, because Will is the only person in this world that Nico can be completely relaxed and honest around.

That’s why Nico lets his shoulders sag and eyes close. That’s why he lets out the breath he takes, and it sounds miserable to his own ears, and more than anything he just wants to curl up in a ball and fall asleep, then to wake up in a universe where none of this ever happened.

That’ll never happen. This is reality, and it sucks. Nico opens his eyes and looks at Will.

”Hold me?” is all he manages to whisper before his throat tightens and he can’t breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry.


	4. leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grab your tissue boxes, folks, this is a pretty bittersweet chapter. I'm so sorry.
> 
> A note: I don't usually put links in the text, but this time it was necessary. I had planned to use Ed Sheeran's Perfect in this scene from the very beginning, back in June when I made the first plans on this chapter, and when I heard the Symphony version with Andrea Bocelli I was sold. Like, this song was pretty much made for Nico and Will in this AU.
> 
> Anyway, please try to enjoy this chapter, even though there is a lot of angst in there. It'll get better. I promise.

Nico is not a prom going kind of person. In fact, if someone asked him, he would say he’s against the whole tradition. What point is there to uphold an old fashioned relic of a ball, where girls stress for months, sometimes years about what to wear, and guys use the whole night either trying to spike the punch or to get to the second base with their date? That is, speaking from an exaggerated, heteronormative, and very much stereotyped point of view.

But that’s one thing you don’t necessarily expect when you start dating your best friend: saying _no_ is just that much harder.

Because Will, as it turns out, _is_ a prom going kind of person.

”I’m not saying we have to stay for very long”, Will says, lying on his stomach on the tree house floor. His hair shines in the May sunshine, distracting Nico from his designs every other minute. ”I just mean it’d be nice to stop by. Everyone else is going.”

Nico rolls his eyes and shifts his position where he sits on Will’s legs, trying to see the permanent marker tattoo from a different angle. ”Didn’t stop us at Winter Formal.”

When Will blushes, the color reaches his neck. Nico thinks it’s adorable. ”That’s different.” Nico rests a palm in the middle of Will’s back, alerting him to stay put while Nico continues to work on a swirl around Will’s shoulder blades. Will’s skin feels hot in the sun, or maybe Nico’s fingers are just cold. ”It’s our last high school event. Kind of a fancy way of saying good riddance to everything. I think it’d be nice to participate in something like that, for once. And…”

Will doesn’t finish the thought, and Nico works in silence for a while. They have their bluetooth speaker playing their playlist in the background and all is really calm, and it isn’t until Will turns his head slightly and the light catches his curls that Nico gets curious again. ”And what?”

The blush is back, deeper and darker than before, and that’s how Nico knows Will is going to say something he’s insecure about, even before he opens his mouth.

”And I’ll miss you.”

Nico blinks. _Of course_. They don’t talk about it a lot, barely address the fact that by the end of summer they will both be flying off to college, on opposite sides of the country. But even still, Nico thinks about it a lot, and it’d be foolish of him to believe Will doesn’t.

They haven’t really been apart, not since they first met each other when they were six years old. The longest Nico has gone without seeing Will was when Will’s whole family went on a camping trip for a week when Kayla was three. Nico remembers how miserable he was, sitting outside on the front steps of his house and looking out for a sign of life in the house across the street. He also remembers how tight Will had hugged him when they got back, and how Doctor Solace had asked him to join them the next trip.

It’s not going to be like that this time. Nico dreads the months that are to come, the long nights he knows he will miss Will more than he thought possible, the few days they get to see each other never being enough to get through the weeks they need to be apart. Nico doesn’t want that to happen, doesn’t want to be away from Will like that, but he knows it’s necessary. Will got accepted to the best medical school in the country, and you don’t just give up something like that to be closer to your boyfriend. And even though the college Nico is going to attend isn’t quite as accomplished and high level as Will’s, he knows Wil wouldn’t want him to give it up for him, either.

Nico caps the marker and sets it aside, leaning forward until he’s lying on top of Will, chest to his back. He nuzzles Will’s shoulder and twines their fingers together. ”I’ll miss you, too.”

So they go to prom, and Doctor Solace gets the pictures he’s wanted of them since Winter Formal, with Will wearing an ill-fitting tux (a hand me down from Michael) and Nico dressed in his best jeans and a new dark blue button up he let Will choose for him. They take pictures at the school, too, under an arch that Piper says took hours to create, and Nico is sure that the new school paper editor in chief has already made it his job to get Nico and Will featured in the prom extra.

Leo is taking requests in the sound booth, and Nico slips a request sheet in, making Will give him a strange look. He just smirks back, ignoring the way Leo cackles at the song he’s asking him to play, and when the first notes sound half an hour later Nico reaches out and asks Will to dance.

Will is a total romantic. Nico has known this for as long as he has understood what the word meant. So when his [favorite artist plays his favorite song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiDiKwbGfIY), and his boyfriend asks him to dance at prom, how can Will refuse?

True, Nico isn’t a great dancer. He doesn’t even really try. But it seems that Will is perfectly content just swaying to the music with their arms around each other, without caring about the dozens of people around them, without caring about Jason taking pictures and Cecil paying him for copies. Nico blocks it all out and focuses on Will, because that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? He’s here for Will, no one else, and he’ll damn right make this the best possible prom night Will could ever experience.

Listening to the lyrics, Will giggles to Nico’s shoulder. ”Nico, neither of us are wearing dresses.”

Nico smirks. ”We could get you a dress. I think you’d look good in one.” In Nico’s opinion, separate from the current teasing, Will would look good in anything. He leans in closer and presses his lips against Will’s ear, breathing the words to his skin. ”Imagine it; baby blue tulle, with maybe a bit of lace and some silk ribbons. We could get the whole _Alice in Wonderland_ thing going.”

”You nasty piece of crap.”

Nico just laughs lowly as Will tries to keep his expression suitably horrified and fails magnificently. ”What, not a turn on for you?” Will steps on his toes on purpose. ”You sure? I’d hate to wake up one day only to find out I’ve been blocking your baby girl fantasies.”

”Keep talking like that and you’re not getting any tonight.” Despite his words, Will just holds Nico closer, and Nico thinks it’d be really awkward if someone overheard their conversation. Yet somehow, he doesn’t give a damn. Let them hear. He’s getting out of this town soon enough anyway.

”And what makes you think I planned on giving _you_ any?”

Will’s hand feels heavy on the small of Nico’s back. Heavy and safe and familiar. ”Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you went to such lengths so ensure your father went on that business trip and left you a house all to yourself?”

”I might just enjoy the piece and quiet.” There’s no way Will has found out about his plans. It’s pretty hard to keep secrets in a relationship so entangled like theirs, where they’re so used to telling each other _everything_ , but Nico thinks this time he may have managed. And it’ll be _so_ worth it.

Will hums and presses a kiss behind Nico’s ear, quick and affectionate. ”I also saw the package of condoms you bought.”

Nico feels his face heat up. ”We were running low.”

”And the candles?”

It’s almost irritating, the fact that absolutely nothing can be a surprise for Will. Nico wants to be pissed off, just a little bit, but instead he just steps on Will’s left feet and keeps dancing. ”You need to stop. You’re ruining it.”

Will laughs quietly, but lets the matter be. Nico agrees for two more songs, and soon after that they take their leave, early enough for some of the people to be only just arriving as they run through the rain to get to Nico’s car. They drive home, soaking wet and listening to Hozier and laughing, and Nico almost forgets that in two months there will be thousands of miles separating them. Or maybe he does forget, for a while; or maybe the happiness in Will’s eyes tells him it’s going to be worth it.

Nico drives the car to the garage, and they make their way through the empty house, leaving wet foot prints on the carpet. Once upstairs, Nico stops Will just outside the bigger bathroom.

”Um.” Nico hates himself for being so awkward now. It’s not that he feels embarrassed in Will’s company, far from it. He’s just very aware that he’s never done anything like this before. Romance is very much Will’s strong suit in their relationship. ”Wait here, okay?” He reaches to give Will a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth, then disappears to the bathroom. ”I’ll be right back.”

Nico has made everything ready before picking Will up earlier, so all he has to do is light up the candles and fill the tub. When he lets Will in, all the uncertainty is totally worth it to see the lovestruck look on Will’s face. The candles everywhere, the bubble bath, the fact that Nico managed to pic Will’s favourite flowers despite it being off season for sunflowers.

”What’s all this for?” Will teases, and for a moment there Nico is afraid he took the mushiness a step too far. But then Will drops his wet jacket to the floor, and kicks off his shoes, and looks at Nico with eyes that twinkle in the candlelight, and Nico hasn’t seen those eyes like that since the last time they were sitting by the fire in the woods, with Doctor Solace telling ghost stories and Kayla roasting marshmallows.

Taking a step closer, Nico helps Will out of the monkey suit and kisses his cheek, suddenly a little shy. ”Do I need a reason to pamper my boyfriend?”

There is a reason, and they both know it. Because teenage boys don’t do things like this out of the blue, or at least Nico doesn’t. Because by the end of the summer there will be significantly less opportunities to do something like this, with both of them in college in different cities. Because Nico loves Will so much it makes him feel stupid sometimes, and then he does stupid things like arranges a romantic bubble bath for Will to top off the prom night with a surprise.

So they take a bath, and Will washes Nico’s hair, and Nico maybe sees Will crying a little, or maybe it’s just a trick of the light and droplets from the shower. And afterwards they curl around each other in Nico’s bed, as close as it’s physically possible, until they don’t know where Will’s body ends and Nico’s begins, and does it even matter? And even later, in the little hours of the morning, they climb to the roof and watch the sun rise with a thermos full of coffee until Doctor Solace spots them on his way to work and yells at them to get down at once.

And in all this, Nico almost forgets they have a time limit. _Almost_.

**

It’s Will who brings up the possibility of a school transfer.

(Of course it’s Will, because it’s just like Will to think about things like that, about strategies and logistics and long time goals. Nico has always liked that about him.)

They’ve become better at talking about the fact that they will be separated. Nico shares his anxious fears of being so far away from both home and Will, and in return, Will admits that he’s kind of scared about what being apart for so long will mean to their relationship. They know their friendship can handle it, it’s grown strong enough during the years for pretty much anything; but in comparison, their romantic relationship is very new. Are they strong enough? Can they pull through?

Nico spends long hours awake at night, sometimes in his own bed and sometimes in Will’s, once or twice in the tree house. Will’s breathing is even and slow, but there’s no guarantee that he’s asleep. Nico keeps running his fingers through Will’s hair, going through every tangle until he can’t find one anymore, and every morning he’s more and more sure that yes, they’re strong enough. They can do this.

And still it hurts.

”Of course it would still mean a year apart, since you can’t apply for a transfer before you’ve completed a certain amount of courses. You can talk about that with the professors.” Will babbles on while going through a dozen different stacks of papers at once. Nico sits cross legged on Will’s bed, trying to be of help, but ending up just stealing a t-shirt after another instead of folding them into the duffel bag. ”But I checked the web sites, and the literature programs are really similar, the transfer would only take you a little extra work. I’m sure you can do it.”

Nico hums and picks up another shirt. It’s his own, and with a quick smirk he neatly folds it and hides it under one of Will’s baseball jerseys at the bottom of the bag. Maybe, if Nico can have half a dozen shirts, Will can have that one.

”And I’m not saying we have to, but”, Will’s voice gets a little quieter, a tad more vulnerable, and Nico looks up and notices Will is nervously rolling down a corner of one of the papers. ”But I think it would be nice to share a place with you. You know, live together.”

That’s the goal, isn’t it? Nico looks at Will, so good and wonderful and bright, sitting there in the middle of the room, wearing a faded Green Day t-shirt he’s had since ninth grade and that has a hole by the collar. Nico looks at him, and he’s sure that until this day he hasn’t quite understood the depth of his feelings for him. Because surely he would have done something stupid by now, had he known. Right?

The thing is, the idea that one day in the not too far future he could share an apartment with Will, just Will and no one else… it’s not startling. It’s good and wonderful, just like Will, and yes, very exciting, but it doesn’t take Nico’s breath away. There’s no surprise, he’s not overwhelmed. Because he loves Will, he’s been so stupidly in love with Will for years now that he’s had time to fantasize about every possible outcome. And after being best friends with Will for well over ten years their lives are already so intertwined that it’s impossible to see one without the other.

”It would, wouldn’t it?” Nico knows there’s no other option, not really. Because unless they decide to break up (which, okay, not happening), the only logical course of action is to eventually move in together. They practically do, already. Nico doesn’t remember when was the last time he slept alone in his bed. Probably last August when Will had the stomach flu. ”I think I’d like that.”

It’s an understatement, but it’s okay, as long as they’re both aware of it. Will looks up from his papers, meets Nico’s eyes, and his face is the most honest one Nico has ever seen. Nico can read every thought from that face, even if some of the words are still lost in translation.

Will takes his time putting away the papers. Nico is sure there is a logic to the way they are being organized, but personally he can’t see it. The papers are a very _Will_ thing. Then Will gets up and steps by the bed, and his palm is very warm on Nico’s cheek when he guides his face up for a kiss that tastes like sleepless nights and the end of summer, bittersweet and crispy. The next one is a little better, a little more hopeful, but it isn’t until the third kiss that Nico can feel the edges of Will’s mouth curling into a smile.

”You know what?” Nico leans back on the bed and pulls Will with him until they’re lying side by side with their faces barely an inch apart, legs hanging over the side of the bed in one big mess. ”You haven’t recited Shakespeare to me in a long time.”

It’s been two weeks, and Nico knows it’s because they’ve been busy packing and hunting for apartments online. But he also knows that Will loves Shakespeare, and the glint in Will’s eyes is worth all the anguish the dramatic words cause Nico.

”Careful, di Angelo. Someone might think you actually _like_ Shakespeare.”

(And maybe, just maybe, somewhere along the way Nico has indeed started to like it. But that’s not the point. The point is that Will likes it, and Nico would give Will the world if he could.)

Will looks at Nico for a long time, a finger softly stroking the side of Nico’s face. ” _A thousand kisses buys my heart from me_ ”, it starts, and Will leans in to press his lips to Nico’s cheek and chin and nose and forehead, again and again and again. ” _And pay them at thy leisure, one by one. What is ten hundred touches unto thee? Are they not quickly told and quickly gone?”_ Will is good at that, at making Nico like Shakespeare. The words sound loud and clear in Nico’s ears even as Will’s voice gets smaller and smaller, almost a whisper. ” _Say, for non-payment that the debt should double_ ”, is whispered against Nico’s lips, the movements tickling and teasing, ” _is twenty hundred kisses such a trouble?”_

It’s probably the sappiest thing Will has ever recited to him, and that’s saying a lot. Nico can’t wait for the time he gets to hear those sickly sweet words falling from Will’s mouth every day, first thing in the morning and last before he falls to sleep. That doesn’t sound like a bad plan at all.

(Of course, father’s cancer makes Nico rethink his plans.)

**

”A part of me wants to go to the airport with you.”

Nico knows he shouldn’t be lying on top of Will right now. They shouldn’t even be hiding out like this, they promised Will’s mom as much. Will should be saying goodbye to Kayla and his parents, and to Grandma. If they don’t get up soon, Will is going to be late to the airport and miss his flight. (Nico really doesn’t want to get up.)

Will doesn’t seem too keen on leaving the quiet safety of the tree house, either, if his tight hold on Nico’s waist is any indication. ”Just a part?”

”The rest of me knows you’re probably going to cry, and I’m not sure I could handle that.”

That’s the closest Nico thinks he’ll ever be able to tell Will how much it hurts to stay behind. He’s never going to blame Will for leaving their shitty little town; how can he when they were both going to leave, not that long ago. It’s not Will’s fault Nico has to stay behind to look after father, that he can’t get out and start living just yet, like Will. An in his mind, in theory, Nico knows it’s no one’s fault that father is dying.

Still, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.

The world outside the tree house is quiet and still, and yet it seems to be moving too fast. Fast and bright, like fire. A little like Will, too, now that Nico thinks about it. Will is a lot like fire, wonderful and warm and bright, and if Nico gets too close maybe he will be consumed completely. But Will isn’t the kind of fire that destroys, the kind that makes everything in it’s path disappear.

No, Will is more like the fire on a fireplace; familiar, helpful, _home_. Something that’s always there, and yet something that you end up staring at, because it’s mesmerizing and etheral, always changing and the same. Will makes Nico think about a phoenix, flying free with fire on its tail, singing heart melting melodies and crying healing tears, burning out and rising from the ashes again and again, each time more beautiful and bright than the last.

But if Will is a phoenix, what does that make Nico? He feels like deadweight, like he’s holding Will back even when he’s pushing him out to the world. Right now, in the tree house, he’s literally holding Will down, preventing him from getting up and actually flying away.

Will is going to go, move away and start college, and there’s nothing Nico can or wants to do about it. Will has been talking about this day since they were ten years old with Spiderman plasters on their knees. And Will is so good, so smart, and he’ll make such a wonderful doctor one day. If only Nico can find it in himself to let go.

(Maybe Nico is water, then. Suffocating the fire, standing in it’s way, turning into hot and quickly disappearing steam when it gets too close. Sounds fitting, and then again not. Because water, just like fire, is a force of nature, mighty and powerful, not small and insignificant. Water is oceans and tsunamis and monsoons, waves that destroy cities and worlds and lives. Nico is just… Nico. And right now, he doesn’t really feel all that mighty and powerful.)

Nico will go, too. Soon. Later than originally planned, but still soon. There’s come a bump in the road, an obstacle he needs to cross, but he’ll catch up to Will one day. He’ll go to college, too, and then he’ll transfer and they’ll be together again, properly. Nico’s path is just a little slower than Will’s.

(Nico doesn’t like being slow. Despite how much he tells himself that’s not the case, he still feels left behind. Will is going fast and bright, just like he should, and Nico follows behind, slow and heavy and so tired of the world. It’s like his movements are grainy and sluggish, or maybe Will lives on a fast forward and no one thought to mention it to Nico. Nico hates it, he hates it almost as much as he hates cancer and car accidents, and lets himself hang onto Will for a moment longer.)

 _A turtle_ , Nico thinks later as he stands on the front steps of father’s house and watches Will drive away with Doctor Solace the back window of the car so dirty that it’s impossible for Nico to see Will through it. That’s what he is; slow and always behind, like a turtle. Always the last one, always left behind when others run along. Nico can’t remember a single story about a fast turtle, or even of one that could keep up with the others.

Across the street, Mrs Solace helps Grandma sit on the swing in the front porch. Kayla has found Will’s chalks and is drawing what seems to be a colorful crisscross to their driveway, where Will once created the map of the whole world until rain washed it away. Nico turns and goes inside and pretends he’s not crying.

**

Will’s bed in his little shoe box of an apartment is not nearly as comfortable as the one back at home, but Nico can’t make himself get up. It’s irrational and inaccurate, but it feels like every cell in his body hurts, and the only way his existence feels bearable is when he’s lying down with Will’s hear beating against his ear. He’s vaguely aware that Will is skipping class for two days, but by the time he has energy to care Will has come back to class but still made it painfully clear that as important as his studies are to him, Nico comes first.

It’s unfair, but Nico doesn’t think he has a right to complain. How could he, when he’s the one coming out of it a winner? But Nico doesn’t feel like a winner. He doesn’t feel much at all.

Nico doesn’t talk about father’s death. Hell, he doesn’t really talk about anything. He lets Will know the essentials, that father lied to him and few off to Europe to take his own life, but other than that he’s mostly quiet. He lies in bed and watches Netflix, eats whatever food it is that Will has in his fridge, briefly wonders if _zia_ Diana took the banana bread out of the oven in time. He has the decency to send her a message, letting her know he’s alright, but when she tries to call him back he lets it go to voice mail. He’s in no mood to talk to her, to anyone.

Will is wonderful. It’s a thought that has occupied most of Nico’s brain since last summer. Will is so patient and wonderful, he always knows when to talk and when to just let the silence grow in length. Will knows what Nico needs, sometimes before Nico knows it himself. In all honesty, Will is Nico’s rock, his constant, and Nico doesn’t know what he would do without him.

At night, Nico stares at the moving shadows in the ceiling, listens to the loud ticking of the clock and Will’s deep breathing. He can tell that Will tries to stay up, tries to be there for him in the long hours of the night. Nico doesn’t blame him for falling asleep, though; he can’t blame Will for anything when he’s already doing so much. The steady rhythm of Will breathing in and out, in and out is the closest to peace and calm Nico’s mind gets when his mind plays games with him.

It’s almost a week after Nico arrived that he understands that he’s not even that upset about father’s death. Sure, he’s sad, of course he is, but it’s not what’s making him act like a ghost. The realization grips his heart, squeezes it in a cold iron fist when he wakes up from restless sleep close to midday and Will is gone. He has a few minutes to panic, feeling all blood drain from his face, and then Will opens the door clumsily with a grocery bag in each hand, a small smile on his face when their eyes meet.

”We were out of pretty much everything”, Will explains and puts the bags down on the kitchenette floor. ”I bought some Eggos, do you want – ”

Nico leaps out of the bed and across the one room apartment and drapes himself over Will, wrapping his arms tightly around Will and making him yelp in surprise. Nico doesn’t say anything. Neither does Will, but Nico has a strange feeling he knows anyway. (Will always knows.)

That night Nico falls asleep before Will. He sleeps peacefully at first, but then the dreams catch up to him again. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, panting in cold sweat and heart racing and scared like never before, the first thing he does is turn to his side to make sure Will is still there. And he is, calm and warm and alive and asleep. And Nico is so, _so_ relieved he can’t help but pull Will against him, press his face to the crook Will’s neck and cry. More like sob, really, his body trembling so violently that it wakes Will up. Or maybe it’s the death grip Nico has of his body, or perhaps the whimper that leaves Nico’s lips, who can tell.

”Don’t leave”, Nico whispers brokenly before Will can even ask what’s wrong. ”Don’t you ever dare leave me alone.”

 _Don’t die_ , is what Nico means, what he wants to say, but even to him it sounds a little too morbid. But Nico is sure Will understands, knows from the way Will answers with a tight hold of his own, with his face pressed to Nico’s hair, with silently shedded tears.

Because it’s not father’s death itself that has made Nico feel so very small and vulnerable. It’s the knowledge that he is alone now, no other family but the one he’s made for himself in Will. Sure, there’s _zia_ Diana, but Nico isn’t naïve enough to think she’ll drop her adventures around the world to play house with her almost 19 year old nephew. And Nico doesn’t even want that. What he wants is Will, the security that he feels in Will’s arms, and a reassurance that he can have that even now that the rest of his family has died and left him behind.

So Nico clings to Will, and Will holds him, and they both cry and hold each other until the sun comes up again in the morning. By then Nico almost feels better already.

**

Nico’s father is cremated and flown back to the States in a box designed for international mail. The box even has a stamp on it; _fragile, this side_ _up. Zia_ Diana had offered to fly out to pick the remains herself, but Nico had refused. He almost snorts when the mailman gives him the package. Fragile seems like the right word to describe father for the past year.

Against his original thoughts, Nico agrees to hold a small memorial service to his father, two months after his death. Nico thinks it means more to their community than it does to him; Old Lady May offers the community center for use, and Mr Beauregard from the bakery brings out cocktail sandwiches in three different fillings. Will’s Grandma makes her chocolate chip cookies at Nico’s own request. Nico refuses to wear slacks, instead choosing dark jeans and asking Will to dress casually, too. He doesn’t want to make a fuss.

The service isn’t long, and Nico wills the niceties to end after two hours, when he feels like everyone has had a chance to say something about father. He says nothing himself. What could he say? To him, father was someone who he barely even spoke with after mamma and Bianca died, and that’s not something people want to hear in a memorial service. So Nico stands there next to an old picture of father and listens as person after person describes someone Nico hardly recognizes.

Once everyone else had left, Nico and Will help Old Lady May and Mrs Solace clean up the community center. Nico doesn’t want to go home, not just yet. But in the end, there isn’t much to do, and Will leads Nico by the hand to the car.

”I don’t…” Nico doesn’t know how to say it. He knows he doesn’t really have to, but it is what normal people do, right? Talk about how they feel? Nico side eyes Will on the driver’s seat and tries again. ”Can we just drive around for a while? Just a little.”

Will looks at him like he knows what’s going on in Nico’s head. Maybe he does; maybe he just desperately tries to. His eyes search Nico’s face for something, Nico doesn’t know what, but apparently they find it, because Will slowly nods and starts the car. ”Of course.”

There isn’t really that much to see in their little town – or rather, the town that has claimed them as their own. Nico really wants nothing to do with it. Very few of the people he cares about are there anymore. The friends he made at school have all moved on, lucky them, and have no plans of coming back again. Just Will and his family remain the only reason Nico feels at home there, and even Will is only visiting. Nico can’t help but feel a little out of place, a little like his time is up.

”I don’t want to stay here.” They drive down the main road, past the high school and town hall toward the dog park that hasn’t seen but one single dog in years. ”There’s nothing for me here anymore. I want to go with you. I’ve been completing my course online, I think I’d be able to transfer by summer. Just… just let me come with you.”

”Nico, you know that’s not even a question”, Will says immediately, keeping his eyes on the road but reaching a hand from the gear stick to gently touch Nico’s cheek. ”Whatever it is you need, whatever it takes for you to move on, we’ll do it. But we’re not separating again. Okay?”

Somehow Nico knew Will was going to say that. But hearing the actual words from Will’s lips still takes an invisible weight off his chest, letting him breath a little more easy. He takes the hand from his cheeks and brings it to his lips, letting himself linger. ”Okay.” Nico closes his eyes and steadily breaths in the lingering scent of lemon hand soap. Will’s fingers are cold. ”Just so we’re clear: we _are_ talking about me moving in with you, aren’t we?”

Will squeezes his fingers and uses his thumb to flick Nico’s nose gently, and that’s about all the answer Nico really needs. ”You worry too much, di Angelo”, Will still says, turning to smirk at Nico. ”I’m afraid you won’t get rid of me that easily.”

And as they eventually turn the car to their street, Nico knows he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nico has barely stepped inside this house since he left that day, not even now that they’ve been back for almost two weeks. It doesn’t feel right anymore. The house is cold and unwelcoming, even with _zia_ Diana and her home cooked meals. Nico prefers to sleep in Will’s old bedroom across the street and hide his face to the front of Will’s shirt, almost like that could make him disappear from the rest of the world.

But now, as they park the car my the side walk and step out, Nico looks at the house with new eyes. There’s no reason he should dread going in there. It’s his house, now; his own, in his name, and he can do with it what he wants. And, as they step over the threshold and Nico sees the big offending grandfather clock he has hated for pretty much his entire life, Nico is pretty sure he knows exactly what he wants to do with the house.

 _Zia_ Diana brews coffee, and they sit in the living room to talk. Nico purposefully avoids father’s leather chair, just like he has for the past nineteen years, and opts to sit on the couch by the window, where he has a clear view of Will’s home across the street. Will sits next to him, and _zia_ takes the chair by the piano that no one has played since Bianca died; she was the one it was for. In fact, the whole house is full of things no one has touched in years. It sometimes seems more like a museum than a home.

Nico takes a sip of his coffee before he says anything. It’s too strong, and frankly quite awful, but then again _zia_ Diana isn’t really a coffee drinker herself. He can’t blame her for not being really good at making it.

”So what now, Nico?” _Zia_ has always been blunt. No beating around the bush with her. That’s why Nico doesn’t take offence in her indelicate way of trying to make Nico talk about his plans for the future.

”Now”, Nico says, taking in the room and putting the coffee mug down on the side table, ”we figure out what it takes to sell a house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The piece of Shakespeare that Will recites is from Venus and Adonis.
> 
> There will be one more chapter, or something that's between a chapter and an epilogue, more like. I hope I wasn't repeating myself too much in this...


	5. il epilogo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Is it okay to have a glass of wine to celebrate finishing this story? Yes? Good, because I already cracked open the bottle.)
> 
> This is it, guys. This is an end of an era, so to say. The last chapter/epilogue of my childhood best friends AU. I might be tearing up a little.
> 
> I'd like to thank you for sticking with the story, and for being extremely patient with me. I know I've been less than a consistent updater, and I'm sorry. But we made it this far! Five chapters, in well under a year! Yay!
> 
> Anyway. I hope you like this last little bit I have for this AU. This has been an emotionally wild ride for me - and I bet for you, too.

Packing away a person’s entire life is never easy. It’s even harder when there are actually three lives to pack away, along with your own.

Nico has packed, taped, and labelled so many boxes in the last week and a half that he’s getting sick of cardboard. He’s gone through room after room, starting from father’s study and continuing on to every room in the house. Will has been there with him, helping him decide what to keep, what to storage, and what to throw away. They’re organizing a yard sale next week if the weather permits, and two weeks after that Nico hopes to never set foot in this house again.

Some of the things they will storage for later. Father left Nico some storage space in the next town over, enough to set aside some furniture and things Nico won’t have a place for for a couple of years, like the piano and the dining table with eight chairs. Most of the kitchen stuff Nico will take with him when he leaves, as well as some books and linen. But most of father’s stuff, as well as almost everything left behind from _mamma_ and Bianca, will be either thrown away or sold. Nico doesn’t want to live in the past with the ghosts. Father did that enough for the two of them.

And when Nico isn’t packing, he’s sitting down with Will with a laptop, searching and browsing and highlighting and bookmarking two bedroom apartments near Will’s university. The one room apartment Will lives in now will in no way sustain two people, not even two as entwined as them. So they’re moving, searching for a place big enough for the two of them, small enough to not have empty spaces. Nico is excited, if a little scared, but Will is going to be there, and that’s the only thing that really matters to him anymore. Being with Will and never being apart again like this past fall.

The only thing Nico is really going to miss about father’s old house is the tree house in the back yard. He wishes he could somehow pack it up and take it with him. It’s a part of him, and a part of Will, and it feels almost wrong to leave it behind like this. They have been through so much in that old little hut.

”I’m going to miss this place”, Nico mutters in the cold winter air, bundled up in his winter coat and a blanket as he and Will share one last thermos of hot chocolate in the tree house. ”I mean, hopefully the people who buy the house have kids, so the tree house will be still used. But this is _our place_ , Will. We built this from scratch, we _lived_ here.” He watches as the steam rises from his cup and brings it close to his face for warmth. ”I wish we didn’t have to leave it behind.”

Nico can feel Will watching him as well as he can feel his thigh against Will’s through the layers of clothing. ”But you know, in a way”, Will says, then coughs a little (because of his cold or because he’s insecure about what he’s going to say, Nico isn’t quite sure), ”aren’t we sort of building a new place for ourselves now?”

Will and his damn clichés. Nico loves them all, especially when he’s most vulnerable. He looks at Will and smiles when he sees Will’s eyes sparkle.

Nico decides something right there and then. It’s a cliché of his own, something he once saw in a movie and swore never to do himself. He puts down his cup and stands up; he’s a whole lot taller than he was when he was ten years old, so he has to bend down a little in order to not hit his head.

”Give me your keys.”

Will looks at him weird. ”What for?”

”Just do it, Solace.”

Will hands over his set of keys, and Nico goes straight for the pocketknife hanging from a keychain. He drops his mittens in Will’s lap and twists the knife open, then looks at the bare walls of the tree house. His eyes stop at the corner near the rope ladder, over the window with the faded lace curtains. _There_.

Nico works with the knife slowly; partly because the wooden walls are frozen, partly because so are his fingers. And, truth be told, he’s never carved wood with a knife before, so there’s that. He takes a few breaks to blow warm air to his hands, and then he continues, and doesn’t let Will see before he’s finished. He sits back down, in the space between Will’s knees, and leans against Will’s chest as they sip on their hot chocolates and look at the wall.

_This house was made by Will and Nico._

”And you always say _I’m_ the romantic one in this relationship”, Will says and presses his cold nose behind Nico’s ear. Nico has half a mind to swat him, but thinks better of it. He’d just spill his hot chocolate if he moved too much.

”Well, I can’t let you have all the fun, now, can I?”

**

_Nico,_

_I know you think I have no right to hope that you’ll ever read this letter. I suppose you’re right about that. Turns out you were right about a lot of things. I should have listened to you more often._

_After your mother and sister’s accident, I wasn’t a very good father to you. I am aware of this. Looking back, there are a lot of things I should have done differently, big and small, starting with the way I nothing short of neglected you for years. There is no way I could possibly ever pay for that, unless you call the cancer and my untimely death payment. I myself don’t think it’s quite enough. I deserve much worse._

_The reason I’m writing this is because I believe you deserve at least some kind of explanation. I don’t expect it to make you forgive me. I’m not even sure it will make you feel at all better. But I need to get this off my chest, and frankly I’m not so sure you would listen to me if I tried telling you all this face to face. I’m not certain I could even make out the words. Hiding behind a pen and paper, speaking from behind the grave, that gives a coward like me enough courage to say what is needed._

_The accident that took your mother and Bianca came as a shock to everyone, none more than me. No one could have seen it coming, and no one could have prevented it. As both a father and a husband, it was pretty much the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, I’m sure you can understand that._

_What is most unfortunate is that you were only six at the time. You were six, and you were alive when they were not, and for a while I think I resented you for it. But you need to understand that this was a very brief period of time, gone by the time I got back home from the hospital. Yet there you were, bright eyed and small, asking after you mother._

_You look so much like Maria, Nico. It’s sometimes scary, how I can see her in the way you roll your eyes or flick your wrist. How your voice will remind me of her, in a way I never thought possible. How you will sometimes look at your phone and smile, and it’s Maria’s smile, alive as the morning on the day she was gone._

_Being around you hurt. It still does, a little, but especially then. You were a living, breathing reminder of what I’d lost so suddenly. That is no excuse, but it is the reason why I more or less avoided you for the better part of thirteen years._

_I loved you, Nico. I loved you with all I had. I did then, and I do to this day. I know I should have told you this, or found a way of showing it. You were a child, hardly old enough to take care of anything by yourself, and yet I let you do just that while I myself wasted away, trapped in my own head and my own nightmares. I should have been there for you, or at the very least made sure someone was. But I was weak in my grief, and now all I can do is hope despite my better knowledge that you will read this letter and understand. Understand that no matter what I did or did not do, I still loved you. You were all I had, and I loved you more than anything, even when I didn’t show you._

_This is why I am so very glad you found Will. I remember the day we started building the tree house, the excitement on both of your little faces when it started taking shape. Then it seemed like I blinked, and two little boys, best friends, turned into two fine young men who loved each other more fiercely than I had ever seen anyone love any other living thing before. And I can see that you both know it, that you two are aware of this love between you, and that it doesn’t go unsaid, unknown. And I’m glad._

_I know I am in no position to give you any advice, but hear this. Never let love like that go. Never take it for granted, never settle for less. Hold onto Will, for as long as he makes you happy. I hope that he will for a very long time._

_Some day you might be a father, too, with your own son or daughter. Make sure that child knows how much you love and cherish them, every day you spend together and every day you’re apart. I can’t possibly tell you how much you will regret it later on if you don’t. That is something I can say from experience._

_As I now go and fly to Belgium, I do so with a pain in my heart. But I’m also so happy with my decision. I am at peace with this. I hope that some day you will be, too._

_Live well, Nico. Love, and be loved in return. That is all I can ask for._

_Farewell,_

_your father_

**

When Nico’s son is six years old, he sits on the front steps of his house and reads him a Spiderman comic book. It’s old and wrinkled, and there are scribbles on the first page, indicating the comic book belongs to _Nico di Angelo, 6 Yers Old_. Nathan doesn’t know how to read just yet, but Nico is confident that he will soon enough. His teachers are encouraging, and Nathan does know how to write his own name. He’s a smart boy.

By the time they reach the last page for the third time, Nico’s backside is starting to hurt from sitting on the steps for o long. He hands Nathan a juice box and leans back on his elbows, smiling as the boy’s curls catch the afternoon sun. The hair is red and fuzzy, nothing like either of his parents’, but the curious look in his eyes is achingly familiar; Nico remembers the day when he first saw it in Will’s eyes, all those years ago. Nico’s heart aches a little when he watches Trevor, wondering if his own father ever felt like this, watching him grow up.

” _Papà_ ”, Nathan says, putting the juice box down and turning to look at Nico with his bright blue eyes, ” _papà_ , when is daddy coming home?”

Nico checks the time on his watch and looks quickly down the road. ”Any time now, Nate. If you look closely, maybe you’ll see him faster.”

It’s a scam, obviously, but Nathan takes it to his heart and stands still, looking toward the end of the road where Will’s car is to appear any minute. Nico remembers the times he stood on a similar driveway, in a lot smaller neighborhood, looking out to the road and waiting for Will to ride home on his bike so they could go play. It feels like an eternity ago.

But this place is far from their little town. Not geographically; Doctor and Mrs Solace live only an hour’s drive away, and they visit each other every other weekend for dinner. But this town isn’t sleepy and still and dying, it’s buzzing and vibrant and so alive Nico can almost feel it’s pulse. The residents here are all older than the houses themselves, but none older than Will’s mother. Everything from the sidewalks to the white picket fences surrounding the houses are practically brand new, the trees in the front lawns not quite six feet high yet. And it’s calm, but not too calm, and the traffic of the city not two miles away can be heard once all the children quiet down come night.

That’s another thing. Nathan has lots of friends his age here. Nico and Will only had each other outside of school, but here, in this new place they call home, their son can run across the lawn on either side of the house and find someone to play with. So far, after almost twelve months, Nico has met a dozen kids, all close to Nathan in age. That’s at least eight more friends than what he himself had in Nathan’s age. Nico is so, _so_ glad.

” _Papà_ , look!” Nathan jumps up and down and points down the street where a car is just turning toward them. ”It’s daddy, isn’t it? It has to be!”

Nathan is an excitable child. He’s a lot like Will on that, curious and quick to make friends, and with an extra layer of AD-HD on top of it all. There’s rarely a moment when Nico can get him to stay still for more than ten minutes at a time, unless it’s with a comic book. And six year olds are _fast_ , damn it, and Nico has never been much of a runner. He barely manages to catch Nathan by the back of his shirt before he runs out on the street.

Nico loves his son, but he is also _really_ glad Will was only gone for three days. One more would have been too many for Nico to handle.

”Nate! What have I told you about running to the street like that?” he scolds, even as he remembers himself at that age. How many times did he cross the street to go to Will’s by himself before father caught him? At least Nathan has the decency to look sheepish – something Nico himself can’t ever remember doing.

They watch as Will’s car approaches, and turns to the drive way, and then, only then, does Nico let go of Nathan’s shirt to let him run to the car and greet Will. He’s not far behind himself.

”Hi there, pipsqueak!” _Oh, it’s good to hear Will’s voice again._ Will gets out of the car and proceeds to sweep Nathan up in his arms. ”Oh my goodness, you must have grown a whole lot since last week! What on earth has _papà_ been feeding you? Soon enough you’ll be _at least_ as tall as Uncle Michael, and who’s going to carry you around then?”

Nathan giggles and hugs Will, his small arms wrapped tightly around Will’s neck. Nico leans on the car and crosses his arms, a smile playing on his lips as he watches his little family reunite. Two people he couldn’t bare to live without, two people he loves with everything he has. It took him a long time to understand, but he thinks that maybe he finally gets what his father was trying to tell him with that final letter so long ago, in another lifetime.

Will squats down to give Nathan a souvenir. It’s just a little trinket, a keychain with an _N_ made of beads and crystals on it, but Will has made it a thing to bring something from every business trip. Nathan holds the keychain in the cup of his hands like it’s the most precious thing in the world, and listens with round eyes and slightly parted lips how the colorful beads are hand painted and carved from really old trees. Nico can see how his whole little body trembles with excitement.

”Look, _papà_ , look what daddy brought me”, Nathan whispers loudly and turns to show the treasure to Nico. ”It was made for me, it really was! It has my letter on it and everything!”

What no one thought to tell Nico before he got a son of his own, is that kids are _really freaking_ _adorable_. ”It sure does, Nate”, he smiles and ruffles Nathan’s already messy hair, making sure that no curls get to his eyes once he’s finished. ”Why don’t you go ahead and try to find a place for it in your room? Maybe in the shoebox?”

Nathan nods and seemingly forgets about the keychain being supposedly rare and invaluable as he bunches it in his fist and runs inside. Nico chuckles as he watches him go, then turns to look at Will with that same smile still intact.

”Hi”, Nico says quietly and reaches a hand out for Will. Once close enough, he wraps his arms around Will’s waist and presses their lips together. Never in a thousand years could Nico have imagined as a teenager that kisses with Will could still make his heart flutter like this, even after being together for almost twenty years. ”Welcome home.”

”Mm.” Will looks tired. Not completely exhausted, just tired like you’d expect after four hours of non stop driving. ”It’s good to be home.”

Nico estimates they can have maybe two minutes to themselves before one of them needs to go make sure Nathan isn’t doing anything he shouldn’t. Maybe even three minutes, if they’re lucky and Nate is enchanted enough with his new trinket. So Nico kisses Will again, slow and proper and not caring to think if any of their neighbors are watching, and marvels at the way Will’s palm on his cheek feels just right. ”I heard some new hot neighborhood gossip today.”

”Anything good?”

”I’d say.” Nico nuzzles to Will’s cheek, breathing in the smell he has been deprived from for five long days. ”They’ve finally sold the Nakamura house. The new residents are moving in sometime next month. And get this”, he adds and leans back so that he can see the reaction in Will’s eyes when he continues, ”they have a kid around Nate’s age. Sound familiar?”

Will, like always, does not disappoint. He grins, and then he laughs a little, and then he recites Shakespeare. ” _If there be nothing new, but that which is hath been before._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will recites Shakespeare's Sonnet 59 at the end. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading, and I hope you'll check out my other Solangelo stories now that we've reached the end!

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, this chapter is more of an introduction to the characters, and we will be diving deeper and deeper into their pasts and presents and futures as the story progresses!


End file.
